blowing the bugle

bugle

not often

but every now and then i find it necessary to blow the bugle in my life.

.

if i were to keep a journal .  .  .  as i always used to before the internet .  .  .

i would recognize the need of the bugle at only one time of each year.

.

this year it has hit particulary hard.

because this year came GRIEF.

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grief is a path unto itself.

i have grieved this year with people so dear to me.

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the loss of their pet is not unlike the loss of a person.

anyone who has given their heart to an animal knows that.

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i have never understood some people in this world who blithely say

” it was only .  .  . “

as if the perfect love given just because it was wrapped in fur was not

worthy of a grieving heart.

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i have no use for people with such an attitude.

it is not only cruel in my opinion

but it is pitifully unknowing of the real stuff of life.

.

so  .  .  .

add the terrible and deep loss

to my own cyclical discontent of the excessively LONG and HOT

oklahoma summer and by the time the calendar is where it is now .  .  .

i have allowed myself to become what i seldom am in the rest of my life.

.

and that is .  .  .

uneasy.  sad.  a darkness.  an underlying discontent with life itself.

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of late i’ve noticed that i have been fighting everything.

unaware for awhile.  but now i see it.

moments of lethargy that swing into moments of flailing at intangibles.

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the heat.  the news.  the negativity of the world.  the unfairness.  the violence.

the stupidity of politicians.  the feeling of helplessness in the face of it all.

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i have let it all become too much.  so much that this morning i arose and realized

that i need a bugle call.

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i need to hear that clear loud arousing call to arms once again.

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i need to change my attitude.

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i need to remember some things that i usually have no trouble remembering.

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i need to hear the bugle.

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gratitude

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i have never had a problem with envy.  i am content with everything i have.

i live very simply as you all know.

THINGS have no appeal in my realm of desires.  i’m not into STUFF.

i never was.

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i live with lagom.  the singular swedish concept of having  ” just enough. “

enough for coziness which is important to me. and beauty.

but never excess.

just  .  .  .

simply .  .  .

enough.

lagom.

.

but the bugle called me this morning. 

and i had a wake up of attitude because of it.

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i realize that i cannot really say i do not live without any envy.

for their are all kinds of envy.

and i sadly find myself envying indeed.

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what i envy is just as silly as people who envy other things or other people.

and it is just as self defeating and just as POINTLESS

as any kind of envy always IS.

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some people envy other people’s success.

i don’t.  i’m always happy for them.

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some people envy other people’s relationships.

i don’t.  i’m always happy for them.

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i had a wonderful husband for many years.

and i have a beloved brother and his family.

and i have loving memories of my parents and a happy childhood.

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so no.  i don’t envy ANY of the things people normally envy!

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i’ll admit to you what I DO envy  .  .  .

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i envy other people’s CLIMATES!

i do old bean.  i cannot tell a lie.  that tiny little temperature gauge.

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if anyone can envy the mercury in a little thermometer .  .  .

it is ME.  or .  .  .  more correctly it is I.

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by the end of the summer here i am so sick to death of the constant oppressive

HEAT and HUMIDITY that i could literally SCREAM.

the air outside hits your face like an oven door opened.  and it doesn’t go away.

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yesterday and the day before our heat indexes were 108 to 110.

we’ve had  one or two days  of temps in the 80’s.  but then back to the high 90’s.

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it soon will be october.  last year this kind of heat lasted all the way until

december.  we literally had NO autumn!  no leaves turned colors.

they turned brown.  and then blew off in the wind.

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i wouldn’t mind it so much if we were considered a tropical state.

because it would be expected.  and there might be the ocean nearby.

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we are not considered a desert state.  too humid. and yet we’re often in drought.

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we are not considered the deep south.  but we are just as humid as they are.

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we are normally supposed to have 4 seasons.  but we do not.

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i don’t even care about the tornadoes .  .  . that is our 5th season actually.

the tornado season.

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and the earthquakes.  which are becoming almost a daily occurrence here.

they and the tornadoes are a piece of cake compared to the summer/fall HEAT.

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it constricts my chest and i’m reminded that this climate is not for heart patients.

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“well then why don’t you move?”  you might cheerfully ask!

trust me.  i ask myself that every day.

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there are TWO major answers.  one is the marine.  he’s my only family.

i would simply miss him too much.  and he owns a home here.

it’s beautiful.  and it’s paid for.  it would be foolish for him to move really.

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the other is a matter of finances.

oklahoma has a very reasonable cost of living.  less than most in the nation.

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beautiful places with wonderful climates tend to be VERY expensive.

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SO.  since a move is not on the immediate horizon .  .  .

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my bugle call is THIS.

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how lucky i am

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AND

this

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snoopy laughing better

.

AND

only three things

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AND FINALLY

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fairytale

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once again.

back on track.

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til soon old bean.

til soon!

28 Comments

  1. That last one is oh so true! There is soooooo much suffering in the world, that those of us who are safe, well fed and healthy have so much to be thankful for.

    As for your weather, the serenity prayer comes to mind. Mother Nature can be a bitch, and it seems like she has earmarked Oklahoma to vent!

    I can understand why you’re frustrated. Humidity is something I just cannot tolerate. Hang in there, and I’ll send some cool breezes your way.

    XXX

    • tammy j

      when one puts it all into perspective again (WHY do i keep having to remind myself of that!!!)
      a little hot air is nothing.
      no pun intended.
      my cup runneth over.
      but do feel free to send some cool breezes anyway! ♥

  2. Yes, I have been told often that my life is someone else’s fairytale. In fact, even my father used to say this when he had come to live with me towards the end of his life and I would respond that it was because I love much, I lived gently and gracefully let go of things not meant for me.

    • tammy j

      i knew you would live the buddha’s quote rummy.
      one that i’ve always loved and aspired to.
      you honor me with your friendship.

  3. That’s a great project/adventure! I love the Buddha quote. At the moment I’m revising my trapped monkey drawing to make it more dynamic. It reminds me not to keep myself trapped but to let go and move on. It’s hard to stop a habit, but it’s a lot easier to do something else instead. Please let us know what works for you. This has been my lifelong hobby, so I think it’s exciting.

    Love you!

    I loved your comment on a recent post, “my epitaph rating review will be…
    she was always complaining about the heat.
    (so I hope she gets to go to the other place! LOL)”

    • tammy j

      your little monkey pretty much says it!
      i’m such a visual person.
      what works for me is usually something i see that delights me
      and gives me a new lease on life in some way.
      also what works for me is cutting my hair.
      and then a wonderful shower. i come out of it feeling 6 years old
      and ready to face the world! it’s a fantastic feeling.
      love you too my own monk! XO♥

  4. As you know, Tammy, I recently had one of your “bugle calls” that sure put things in perspective for me. Enough to call back the wonderful feeling of gratefulness, enough to make me wonder what I’d ever had to complain about.

    And yet that big “flailing at intangibles”–marvelous way to put it–rears its head daily with me too. As we’ve written about lately in emails, I too yearn for autumn, indulge in pity parties because it’s not showing any sign of coming here either. In fact I just got through throwing one before coming here and reading this when I did a 10-day weather search here and saw that the next 10 days the low at night won’t be lower than 73.

    I need to change my attitude too, Tam, as I have so much to be thankful for. If that might be too much to ask, whether weather is concerned, I’ll try to take more of Snoopy’s advice and keep laughing–which I did last night when watching The Long Long Trailer!

    Love from one lucky gal to another,
    Dewena

    • tammy j

      ohmygosh! i was watching it too darling sister mine! a connection.
      yes.
      love from one lucky gal to another. XO tam

  5. The heat this summer has really had an effect on us. I can tell that you reached the limit! Once in a while that happens, even to positive people like you. You did just what you needed to do….scream, complain, and let the steam out. Then as you always do you rally and realize that you have the strength to overcome any adversity…even this doggone heat!

    • tammy j

      LOL! and then i’ll come to your blog and read about the mountain town of bradford.
      the prettiest little town in the country. i’ve always said it looks just like the town in ‘it’s a wonderful life!’ and it DOES. in ANY season!

      i bet if i went back in the 4 years of the peanut and found each post written at the end of september…
      they’d each have the same subject as this one! 😀

  6. Linda Sand

    Venting is good. Not venting causes explosions. I’m glad you have this safe place to vent. I’m sorry your situation causes you to need to do so. Some days I’d like to shake your marine, though, and tell him to take you and move to Colorado. I don’t think he realizes how his roots affect your health.

    • tammy j

      oh thank you always for your support dearest bean!
      and i know how you feel. i kind of felt the same about dave when he wouldn’t budge from MN.
      but i can’t complain. when stacked up against NOT having the marine with me… oklahoma will always win! he’s just that valued. just as your dave is!
      i will just healthfully rant periodically and buck up and enjoy my life right here. LOL! XO♥

  7. Oh boy, Tammy, your post today really hit home. I need that bugle call, too. It’s been a rough few weeks and I needed to see those quotes and hear that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing this today. I am grateful.

  8. Darn you for being human and not infallible! 😉

    I am realizing I’m going to miss the ocean I rarely bother to go see, when I’m landlocked in AZ in a few years. That’s why we are insisting we must have our own pool; a first. I want to be able to look out for the 6 months it’s almost too hot to go outside, and see blue water through my window.

    Sorry your humid summer seems neverending. It isn’t. 🙂

    • tammy j

      LOL. human for sure.
      i look out onto a beautiful blue pool even now! and yes. it is refreshing to see.
      although it got so hot at one point this summer that the water was warmer than bath water. LOLOL!
      ah well. it’s the thought that counts. and it IS so beautiful! i’m glad it’s there.
      i’m over my summer rant once again now. and on to better days! you can only complain just so long.

      hey. i visited your blog twice today. once this morning… the beautiful emmy gowns… gorgeous!
      then i got interrupted by a phone call. tried to go back this evening and got a message page saying
      this is a private account… by invitation only!!! and wouldn’t let me in. so i gave it up!
      glad you came by here. i’ll try pearlz again. 😀

  9. Glad to say we’ve had a very good summer here – mostly dry and sunny and not too hot and humid. Last year’s summer was just rain and more rain. So no complaints from me about the climate!

    When I see the huge difficulties young people are now having to deal with, and look at my own problem-free existence, I certainly count my blessings every day. I was lucky to grow up at a time of greater opportunities and less financial insecurity.

    • tammy j

      i agree. it’s a very hard world for them now nick. in many ways.
      our time seemed more innocent too. though i doubt it really was!
      other than the humid heat i have absolutely NOTHING to ever complain about! xo

  10. Is there other reasons than the Marine’s home as to why he wouldn’t move?
    I mean, If his home is paid for, he could possibly find another one, maybe something a bit smaller and buy that and come out ahead!
    Wouldn’t he like to be closer to the mountains he likes to hike in?
    Maybe there’s a way to make another place more attractive to him, to point out the pluses? Some place that has more to offer for active retiree’s?
    But I get it. My sister has stated she and her hubs will retire in Vermont and it’s left me wondering if I should stay here or go with them. I highly doubt that I would go because it’s so COLD there and very remote.

    But, if you are stuck in OK. Maybe there are things you can do to trick yourself.
    I find that if I place a high-velocity fan in front of the air-conditioner, it can sometimes make the room a bit chilly!
    Also, don’t use the stove!
    Eat Ice cream.
    Put crushed ice in your beverages.
    (I LOVE crushed ice!)
    Go to the movies, I always get cold there.
    Or…..
    Go down to the pool and get in and float!
    When you get really hot, jump in and the water won’t feel so warm!
    Sigh.
    I get it though. When you want to be somewhere else in your heart of hearts.

    and thanks for the bugle call!
    I just tooted a bit on my own horn.

    PS. Anyone who doesn’t get why someone would grieve for the loss of a four-legged love, isn’t someone I want in my life.
    Obviously their soul has a missing link.

    XOXOXOXOXOX

    • tammy j

      everything you’ve said is spot on! everything.
      i have to pick my times. but i may just wear him down! LOL.
      and i DO all the things you suggested. well. i put out fans. but not in front of the A/C
      the vents are near the ceilings! but the little fans do help.
      surely our hottest days are soon to be over. i can stand highs in the 80’s.
      it’s when it’s the high 90’s with heat indexes in the triple digits. that’s what gets to me.
      vermont is beautiful. but their winters do last forever. but i can’t imagine you all alone there.
      maybe lily won’t go either.
      i wish i were more adventurous instead of being a hobbit. i’m just a hermit hobbit!
      and
      yes.
      i don’t want those missing link souls in my life either. i couldn’t stand it.
      love you!
      so glad the weekend is finally near for you. now if you just could have one of the days off!!! 😀
      XOXOXO♥

  11. I feel your frustration with the heat. I really do. I so hope you get the cooler temps sooner rather than later. I like that whatever life one is living – is probably a fairy tale to someone else – but i wish everyone’s life could be a fairtytale. I think everybody has those times they need bugle calls – i know I do. I’ve been feeling very flat lately – apathetic ..same ole same ole routine. I’m even letting the lake nearby bore me.

    I enjoyed reading everyone’s supportive comments to you – you have a great group of friends in blog world.

    I wish for you an out of the blue surprise – a soft gentle rain that brings the temps down to 55 at night and 70 during the day. And…what is with those earthquakes – are they from fracking or something?

    • tammy j

      oh sandy!
      your wish has apparently been granted! we are to have possibility of rain tonight
      and tomorrow. with cooler daytime temps afterward for a few days.
      then back to the 80’s. that’s OK! as long as it’s out of the 90’s and 100’s.
      so long as there’s a little respite reminding us of fall.
      can’t wait for the lovely rain and the cool air!!!
      and yes.
      the fracking they now know for sure is causing the earthquakes. at least that’s what they say.
      in spite of our idiotic senators whose elections are ALWAYS paid for by BIG OIL money and who refuse to
      believe it…
      and who also publicly pronounce that global warming is a hoax. what can you do with intellects like that?

  12. I looked up Oklahoma – in the climate section at Wikiped… “severe weather” and yep, it mentioned your 5th season/tornado…

    When you wrote this message, I hadn’t had the weather god, look down on me and say “we can make the morning in her part of town stay dry so all her goods/chattels get uplifted, driven in a truck and unloaded at the next place”

    according to the guy here today, repairing the hot water 2 shower problem in other parts of this area, it was heavy rain from very early morning…

    lucky, lucky. lucky for me…

  13. Evening Tammy…
    We also had an uncomfortably hot Summer…
    Set all kinds of heat records….
    Hard to enjoy 1 of my 4 seasons, when it is stifling….
    Gardening is not enjoyable in the heat….
    So….my motto is….and always will be….
    ” Woke up…..Got Out Of Bed”….
    Have a wonderful week my friend….
    Gonna call my Dr in the am….still coughing…..geesh!
    Cheers!
    Linda :o) ♥️

    • tammy j

      your motto has become my motto! 😀
      and glad you’re staying on top of whatever you’ve got. it’s never just a cold with us.
      but your last word says it all. and not a bad motto either… CHEERS! XO♥

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