the colorado trip has been postponed.
don’t feel sorry! or sad for me old bean.
i’m not sad about that.
there is time.
plans needed to be changed.
instead we will probably go out to georgia . . . or is it down to georgia
sometime in october.
that is where the marine’s son is stationed. they have a lovely home there.
master/sgt mike will deploy to a war zone sometime again in april and it will
be a chance to see him before then.
which do you think i’d rather do if i can’t do both?
see age old mountains that will always be there?
or a beloved nephew . . .
the marine’s only son ~ and loved by me like my very own son.
not hard to answer that!
in the meantime i am going to buy myself a bicycle.
it’s going to be an old fashioned bike. the brakes will be in the pedals
not a bunch of gears and wires.
it will have a basket to carry library books and other treasures. maybe water.
yes. of course water. i’ve become a devout water drinker.
since my dehydration episode i prefer to get my hydration from drinking it
rather than needles in my veins.
when i turned 30 years old i told bob that for my birthday i wanted a bicycle.
he . . . being a man . . . and knowing what HE would choose . . .
surprised me with a 16 speed sleek specimen of technology.
we had a home on two and a half acres near tulsa at that time.
it had a long gravel drive to the house.
i exclaimed my surprise and tried hard to be delighted
and not show my disappointment.
i got on the bike. which was also too high for me. i’ve lost an inch now . . .
but i was 5′ 2″ at the time. it looked huge to me.
he held it while i climbed up onto the seat.
then he explained the gears.
i took off down our driveway and at some point i flew right over the handle
he came and picked me up from the gravel.
the bike was totally unharmed. not even a scratch.
given its cost that was a small blessing!
i on the other hand had bloody knees and elbows and looked like i’d been in a
fight. and i had lost.
i didn’t cry. i shakily stood there picking out the gravel from my wounds.
i said . . .
” honey could i just have a plain old bike? “
and that is my life.
i just want plain old.
especially now when i’m plain and old myself!
i envision riding it down all the lovely tree filled streets that encompass my
there are no hills. no reason to ‘change gears.’
no need for fancy brakes that i might forget how to use.
the feeling of childhood and knowing instinctively how to brake with the
that’s for me.
and a basket. and even a bell. and maybe a light of course.
though i doubt i’ll be doing any night riding. but one never knows.
i will think of my bob when i ride it. and laugh again at that wonderful
birthday when my beloved tried so hard to give me a wonderful surprise.
this year has been very very hard in many ways.
and for my vicki . . . and my sharing her loss of jack . . . it goes on.
and for my m/sgt mike . . . the ever present concern until he can retire from
his dangerous work . . . it goes on.
but life has a way of trudging on. dragging our heart aches with it.
i’m learning that again.
i thought i had already learned that.
we apparently have to learn it over and over.
for those of us who are innate ‘ fixers’ it’s hard.
it’s very hard to feel helpless in the face of other’s suffering who are dear to us.
so. i’m tring to learn to accept that. and to find my center again.
to revel in the little birds that flew through the early morning air as i sat
reading my book . . .
to watch the pool boy as he methodically sieved the leaves from the surface
of the calm blue water . . .
to feel the steam from the fragrant coffee i sipped to bring me awake . . .
to anticipate lunch with my marine and try to help solve the world’s problems
the way we always do! if the world would only listen to us. 🙂
it takes so little to be happy really.
not mansions. not tons of money. not vacations. not fancy food.
i guess it just takes finding one’s center again.
righting the little boat back on its course.
helping where one can. suffering along with the absent loved one . . .
that however hard it all is living on this planet . . .
and it is hard in every way
it still is very dear.
til soon old bean.
picture is courtesy of farmishmomma.com