imagination and reality

which is better old bean?

flying a kite

i was a very imaginative child.

books were my friends.  and i could lose myself in them.  i still can.  and do!

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they provided me a rich inner life.  i grew adept very early on in making things

how I WANTED THEM TO BE in my head instead of how they really were.

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as you know.  we moved every year.  sometimes if a promotion was forthcoming

we even moved twice in one year.

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i think because of that i learned to have that very rich inner life.

it helped sustain me when there wasn’t time enough to make a real friend.

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and when once again i was getting used to a whole new environment

sometimes better than the last place .  .  .  sometimes worse .  .  .

yes.  it truly was often a lifeline for me.

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and that habit of  SEEING places in my mind in a way that they might truly not

be .  .  .

well.  it simply stuck!  and carried on through my adulthood.

it served as a survival mode for a child i think.

i’ve done it for so long i hadn’t even realized the fact of it until lately.

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i love beauty so much that if its not there i MAKE it there in my head!

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i never looked upon it as being unhealthy.

it was just what a little girl learned to do.

and that little girl in me is still doing it.

yes.  after all these years.  kind of odd now.

and rather sad i think at my age.

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i’m thinking that now in this stage of my life perhaps it’s time to stop all that

and to look at and happily accept the reality of everything!

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reality is a good thing.  i imagine it’s highly under rated.

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i learned early on to make the best of things.  you just didn’t complain.

you were expected to accept whatever and get on with life.

you didn’t complain.  and that was that.

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and the older i get it seems that all i do is complain about the climate here.

i am going to stop that for sure.

stop quoting the high summer temperatures and heat index and humidity.

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it is what it is.  and even at that .  .  .  it’s not as hot as say .  .  .  arizona!

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and for pete’s sake.  it’s time to admit .  .  .  i’m lucky to simply be alive!

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especially given the last couple of months and the silly dehydration that nearly

cost me my life.

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you all know that the very next day i was home from the hospital . . . the marine

kindly drove me around to look at apartments here in town.

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i was so weak i could barely stand much less walk endlessly looking at every

complex there is.

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so i decided on the third or fourth one we looked at.

and i booked this apartment that very day.

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i’ve gone on to some of you about how beautiful it is here.  and how much

i like it.  as if in convincing you i’d be convincing myself i guess!

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and some of this complex truly IS beautiful .  .  .  in a way.

some would say it looks a lot like military housing on base!  and that’s true.

but then i’m used to that look and to me it’s not so bad.

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here’s a picture of the prettier part of the complex.

savannah square

the pool in my area looks like this one.  and there is a lovely huge crepe myrtle

tree that shades one end of it in the morning.

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but THIS is truly what my own place looks like.  still in the complex. but in

another part of it.  yup.  military style for sure.

reality

as a matter of fact .  .  .

see that apartment upstairs in the upper right hand corner?

with the little balcony?

that’s actually MY apartment.  i was amazed to find it on their site.

it’s an old picture.

the curving walk goes down to the pool.

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the two windows showing are in my nicely large bedroom.  so it gets light.

and a nice cross breeze when it will be cool enough to open them!

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the rest of the apartment is very dark. even with two french doors that open

onto the balcony.  it’s still dark.

i’m trying to get used to that.  and i eventually will.

i’m a lover of light.

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they don’t go in for much landscaping here.  it’s all green lawns.  easy to keep.

some crepe myrtle trees and some other very tall trees in other areas here and

there.

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when i walk in the mornings i’ve been imagining i’m walking in a place like this

tree shaded walk

it’s prettier.

and it makes me feel cooler.

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but is it all that healthy to think that way?  i realize i’ve done it all my life!

when does ‘making the best of it’ end .  .  .  and living a lie in your head begin?

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i am guilty of always thinking things or places are better than they are.

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perhaps that’s why i need so little in the way of material possessions.

i have a totally rich imagination!  LOL!

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imagining better

a great teacher once said  .  .  .

buddha on thinking

i fully believe that.  in every facet of our lives.

but it’s also important to find a certain contentment in THINGS AS THEY ARE.

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i’ve always thought of myself as a person who’s fully content.

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now i’m beginning to question that about myself.

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i’m  beginning to realize there is a certain PEACE in simply fully accepting

everything about your life.

at least on the level that i’m talking about here in this post!

i’m not talking about people here.  only places.

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and .  .  .  actually  i realize now that i have often done it with people too.

i married the most wonderful man.   our happiness was real. not imagined.

BUT

i imagined his mother would eventually accept me and like me.  NOPE.

never happened.  17 years of misery with her.  so sad and unnecessary really.

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i imagined he would survive the cancer.  NOPE.  but OH how i imagined!

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so.  i’m beginning to see the importance in life.  of relaxing and accepting.

accepting  the real beauty as well as the beauty that just ISN’T there

and very well probably never will be.

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unless i move somewhere else .  .  .  to a different part of the country.

which i won’t be doing.

i would simply miss my marine too much.

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i have also found that i vicariously live through so many of your beautiful

pictures on your blogs.

i’ve even joked about it often in some of my comments to you!

not realizing it was somehow more than a joke.

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the gardens.  the food.  the large family get togethers.  the gorgeous rooms.

the vistas.  the comfortable temperatures.

well. except for some of your winters that go on and on and on!

kind of like our summers!!!   LOLOL!

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i honestly don’t mind not living like that anymore.  i did once upon a time.

although never with the big family occasions.  our family was small.

but oh the wonderful memories!

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when i realized this vicarious thing might not be just a joke i was making .  .  .

and that i was wishing things were different .  .  .

that’s when i realized i was in a danger zone.

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i am through with imagining my own life now is like anything that it truly isn’t.

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good grief.  what a sentence.  but you know what i mean.

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it will just be a habit that i will have to work on.

it got me through some rough times i guess.  but it’s time for a sea change.

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i don’t feel bad about it.

it’s just finally time to grow up!

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and it’s time to realize that i can see it ALL as beautiful without imagining it

in a different way.

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i’m not explaining any of this very well i’m afraid.

and it’s not that i’m not happy.  i have always been able to make my own

happiness anywhere i am.

it’s simply going to be a different way of SEEING things now!

  the REAL WAY!

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AND  .  .  .

i’m mainly just thinking out loud.  which i so often do here!

and you’re so kind to always indulge me in that.  thank you.

you don’t even have to comment.

have you ever noticed that when you write something down .  .  .

it just sinks in better?  at least it does for me.  thus this post.

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i hope this doesn’t sound like a poor pitiful pearl story.

because that IS NOT it at all!

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i’m going to mainly concentrate on getting my health back.

and to happily live in this little apartment and love it as my home.

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i will still visit all your wonderful blogs and admire your lives.

but that’s where it will end.  no more living vicariously through them! LOLOL!

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and you never even knew it did you?  😀

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life is so precious.  and with each passing year it grows even more so.

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it’s simply ENOUGH to just be alive!!!

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who cares there is no shade?  or very little of it.

there is a little covered and sometimes shaded balcony to sit on whenever it

rains.

IF it rains straight down that is! LOL!

THAT in itself is something to celebrate!

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and they do keep the lawns really nice.

better even than in that old picture i found.

it’s edged and clean.   people are very careful and there is no trash anywhere.

i’m so thankful for that!

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so.  all is a good reality.

and the TRULY good thing about it .  .  .  i can always go sit on the deck at the

marine’s beautiful home and watch the birds and squirrels and soak up

the cool shade from his own huge trees!  another lovely reality.

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i wish for you the beauty and acceptance of your own true reality in this life.

it’s a lesson i’m late in learning.  but i think it’s an important one.

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til soon old bean

til soon!

a happy puppy

46 Comments

  1. Our apartment bothered me when we first moved in, because the overhangs make it dark. But twice in the over 40 years we’ve lived here I seriously went looking for a house and decided I like this place better than anything I saw. So I would suggest you do look at other apartments, in a leisurely fashion, to see what the options are. You might decide you like your present one better, or you might decide sometime in the distant future you will move again. In the meantime, your new home isn’t going to make you sick, which is a big plus!

    I actually like the architectural style of your building, but I agree it would look nicer with some trees.

    Our place isn’t much to look at, but we have our projects, and I do believe “the quality of our lives depends on how we focus our energy and our attention.”

    Great post! Please let us now how it works out. I wish you had a camera. That’s one way of focusing our attention on the beauty in our surroundings, wherever we are.

    Or learn to sketch, one thing I haven’t managed to get myself to do!

    • tammy j

      I DO need to get a camera. that is on my list.
      I keep saying that. but apparently it’s not a big enough priority yet! 🙂
      and your idea is good.
      I made this decision in such necessary haste!
      but the thought of moving again is daunting. I imagine i’ll be here for awhile.
      though I’ve certainly learned to NEVER say never! LOL!
      and you’re absolutely right. it is safe. and healthy. my safe harbor.

    • It wouldn’t hurt to look when you feel the need for a bit of adventure. Your present place might seem great in comparison, or you might find another option for the distant future if you eventually feel the need for a change.

      In the meantime… I keep thinking of the quote: “Sometimes we have to make our own sunshine.” Yay, creativity! And you are one talented woman, so no worries there. 🙂

      • tammy j

        wise and wonderful as always.
        it might be fun to just check out other places I guess.
        one of the pros of living here… it truly is in a great location.
        i’m close to everything. and closer to the marine.
        and it’s very QUIET! which I love. no traffic sounds even.
        and it’s off of a lovely street. not near a highway as the wren house was.
        there will always be pros and cons to any place really. I fully know that!
        I think in time as I feel better and better and finally stronger… it will be okay.
        and I love that quote! except I would change the word sunshine to happiness. LOL!
        we are definitely having enough sunshine these days! 😀 XOXO♥

        • I was thinking sunshine because your rooms are dark. But we definitely create our own happiness.

          I love Thoreau’s, “To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.” That’s the one I practice. 🙂

          • tammy j

            how I love Thoreau. and that’s one of his best thoughts. thank you for writing it here.
            and I believe that. for all of us.
            the very real art of living really. you certainly do it well.
            and also… just ask Sammy! 😀 ♥

  2. When you were gravely ill, I was terrified. And I was not by any means the only one. I knew if the worst happened, I knew I would never be able to think of you without thinking of that last picture. That photo is so ‘you’ Tammy. Somewhat innocent, happy and adorable 🙂

    I think having a wonderful imagination is a treasured gift, but I know what you mean. There are times it can go too far. My oldest friend is exactly like you in some ways. She sees the world as she thinks it SHOULD be, not as it is. For someone like myself, truly the most realistic, pragmatic and practical person in the galaxy, it’s hard to relate to, but part of me is envious.

    I think being so ill has changed your perspective a little. I suppose that’s to be expected. Don’t change too much my friend, as Billy Joel once said, ‘I love you just the way you are’…

    • tammy j

      thank you from my heart dearest bean!
      and I wouldn’t have thought of you as totally realistic.
      you are SO creative!!! but then… why can’t the two go together! LOL!
      I love your realistic self too!

  3. I really like your Safe Harbour. A place that will nurture you as you heal and recover.
    The pool area is wonderful – a fabulous place for when the boys come and visit you.

    Tam, you have no idea how much I needed to read your post this morning.
    Your words echo in my heart and I must try to remember them.

    • tammy j

      darling girl.
      I’ve been so concerned about you. but didn’t want to interrupt your muse.
      little boris captured my heart like none other.
      take care of you my vicki.
      and our beloved jack.
      furever. ♥

  4. OK, yes…you don’t want to deceive yourself or make up something in your head that isn’t there, that’s not good. Is that what you are saying you’ve been doing.
    OR have you just had the ability to be able to see the good and let the bad blur out of focus?

    I know that I complain about where I live many times. And for me, the time is worse after the snow is gone and everything is grey.
    Or when I drive home through town and come up past the homes that people let fall into despair.
    But when I drive home the other way and see the trees and the nice homes and pull into my driveway and see my flowers…then I know I need to focus on the good because wherever you are, there will be the bad.

    So… is there some place very close that has trees and a nice place to walk? or is it rather sparse in landscaping in that area? If so, you gotta move.
    Sure you can focus on making the inside pretty but life is too short to stay there for very long.
    This is my opinion – Get your health on track but start visualizing your perfect little place.
    You could even start “pinning” images on Pinterest since I KNOW you don’t have stacks of magazines. You are not going to be happy because in your heart you want England and if not England then something with pretty sidewalks and tree … like in “You’ve Got Mail”.
    Just start thinking about it. Then when it’s cooler and you feel better, drive around in different areas that you like. That’s how my sister found her house. She just took side routes through neighborhoods she loved and one day it was there.

    What about renting part of an older house?
    Maybe an upstairs of someplace with big windows. When I was young, I lived in a couple of houses in the upstairs and they had so much character. Big rooms and big windows. Both places had the landlord downstairs who took care of the yard and snow.

    Truly, PLEASE put it out to The Universe.
    Like Jean said, at least the new place isn’t making you sick.
    It’s safe for NOW but it’s not your forever home.
    Your health is going to turn around completely and you are going to be around for a very long time. Think of Georgia O’Keefe or Beatrice Wood! Both went past 100! and lived in places they loved and I believe living in a place you love and living a life you love, keeps you going.
    So start visualizing. Let The Universe work out the details and The Marine or “Two Men and a Truck” can move your stuff when it lands in your lap.
    My Dad used to say be grateful for what you have. And I know you are but that doesn’t mean to not dream BIG.

    You should share your ideas of your dream place in a post when you’ve got some of them figured out so that the rest of us can “See” you in your dream place and help make it happen.
    Hang in there, stay cool and start dreaming.
    XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
    (so there’s no way to get that Marine to move? LOL! Wouldn’t he want to live someplace cooler where he could go hiking and camping? LOL!)

    • tammy j

      LOLOL!!! the marine has a beautiful home in a TRULY beautiful area but …
      the key words are… it is paid for! I don’t see him budging.
      I can always visit him there for a dose of beauty.
      this isn’t a bad town. actually it’s quite picturesque.
      but you’re right. English ‘feel’ is what I love.
      and I will take your wise advice. you KNOW I think that way too.
      I have just let this illness thing cloud or weaken my resolve!
      your comments either make me laugh right out loud or they fly me high!
      this one flies me high! 😀

  5. Welll I don’t mind you “living through my posts”…especially recently when you mentioned an icecream in my pinwheel purse” 🙂

    You asked me once where my inspiration came from- the same place you “imagine stuff” but I wasn’t a child of parents who constantly moved…I was a child who was disabled, couldn’t run about like other kids. Our house was on a large corner section with an even higher hedge on 2 sides, a next door house hard up against both other sides…

    I didn’t even go to the town school, rather the farm school (I was one of the few who walked to school, most got on the farm route buses to go home…)

    I lived through my imaginary friends – some just objects – like “Panda” who is still with me today (he’s right here next to the pillow); he’s lost an eye, his voice, and his fur a bit sparse in places…

    We chat from time to time – he has Napier under his arm. Napier is very small bear and he’s only about 20yrs old. Panda is more like 60yrs old..

    If I want to create something, I search for it in my mind and then imagine it…and do it! I hate making plans – if it doesn’t work, I rehash it until it does or abandon it for another time..

    • tammy j

      oh cathy. that is wonderful. made my heart sing!
      we are kindred.
      I DO value imagination for sure. it’s the heart of creativity.
      I just want to maybe combine it with some down to earth reality!
      we’ll see. I also am what I am as popeye says.
      or did he say I yam what I yam! LOLOL

  6. I don’t think it’s an either-or. I think you can have a vivid imagination that transforms everything, but also appreciate the everyday reality. Your new home looks very quiet and peaceful, I think I would be happy to live there. And I love the image of the child with the kite on the giant book!

    • tammy j

      oh nick. the voice of calm reason. 🙂
      thanks.
      and I too love that image. it’s wonderful isn’t it!
      never fear. it is such an ingrained trait… my imagination…
      I suspect it will never leave. I just have to nudge it toward accepting reality when necessary.

  7. Tammy, you are the ultimate optimist and will be ok in any situation you are in. But I can hear the dissatisfaction in your voice. Your place is ok but it does not sing to you like Wren House did. You needed a home and it was there. But you talked about moving a lot and I can see you leaving that place. Not right now maybe but later when you have time to really choose exactly what you want. You’ve been through a harrowing health time and now it’s time to nourish your soul. I can see you align down that lively street. I hope you do get a camera…or a phone that takes good pictures. I have loved taking pictures. It’s more than a hobby. It’s a way of looking at life.

    • tammy j

      thank you dear bean. and as much as I love others’ photography… and I SO DO!
      I really am going to have to get a camera. like you and linda said.
      and you’re right. it’s totally a way of looking at life.
      my recent expenses with the computer and moving though… it will have to wait a bit.
      but I MUST DO IT!

  8. *Brilliant* idea #1…

    The “Bedroom” has more light..

    Sooooooo, make that the “Living Room”! Or whatever you call the Room, in which you live most.

    Why not???? Is there a “Room Police,” which will swoop in one day, and fine you for daring to do such a thing??!!?? Nope! Not so far as I know.

    Sooooo! You crave, to live, In-Light. Switch the damn rooms!!!!

    “The insurgent leader is a stallion standing on his hind legs. You don’t win his heart and mind. You kill him.”
    ~Maj Sean Leach

    Consider “darkness” to be the Insurgent Leader! Switching rooms, isn’t exactly killing. But you get the idea!!!!

    “HOOOORAH!!!!”

    Tessa

    • tammy j

      LOLOL!
      LOVE that idea. and believe it or not have even done that in the past.
      i’m a free spirit. remember?
      however.
      what I failed to mention is that the bedroom has total south and west exposure.
      even with the a/c running constantly it never really gets cool in there til the sun goes down.
      and it even has a lovely CEILING fan and my other fan.
      I think you just can’t imagine how hot it is here. I know it sounds silly for a room to stay that warm.
      but it’s true.
      now… I just might consider doing it in the late fall and wintertime! thanks for reminding me!

  9. Please don’t cast aspersions on Imagination, concerning living space. We still live in a way-too-big-family home. I want to live in a cottage-with-just-enough-rooms. Due to reasons, beyond our control, we will never move.

    So…. I imagine that the rooms we use, are “in a cottage.”

    So…. Please don’t cast aspersions on Imagination, concerning living space. :-))))))))

    Tessa

    • tammy j

      you’ve definitely achieved the wonderful cottage feel you want dear bean!
      AND
      look at the ‘cottages’ in the thousand islands. I partly grew up there.
      it’s where my mother and grandmother were from. so when we left we always went back to visit.
      those cottages are huge! and yet. . .
      it truly all is in the mind isn’t it!

  10. -sigh- Yessss… One more comment!!!

    Your having to find a new apartment, when very weak…. Reminds me of the time we did over the kitchen.

    We had spent Jan., Feb., and March, in a rented condo in FL. Family lived down there, at the time, and we wanted to try winter there. Unknown to anyone, I began reacting to a new med. Had started it, on going, and the still unknown reaction just kept getting worse and worse and worse, while in FL.

    I slowly became almost unable to function, bodily and mentally. It-Was-Awful…

    We came home to begin kitchen renovation. I was so, so, so weak, that I could hardly sit on a stool, in a show room. Naturally, I did not make MY selections, of changes in kitchen. I was too “Out Of It.” My husband did as well as he could. He WANTED my imput!!!!! He always does!!!!!!! But I could NOT humanly give it.

    Finally, a brain cell clicked, and I realized that beginning of my “awfullness,” coincided with taking a new med. He looked up the side effects and BOOM! There they were! Stopped med. Came “back to life” again!!!!!! Whoooo-hooooooo!

    But by then, the kitchen was done. And parts of it, I have “hated” ever since.

    Soooo my Dear, do not say you have to Hippity-Happity-Love the place you had to select, while so wiped out from being in hospital. Do not say it. Not to me anyway, because I completely understand!

    And it often helps, to have someone else, have had a similar experience, and to tell us of it. (There is a lot of that, going around, these days. -wink- at someone else)

    Switch living room with bedroom, and start looking for a new place, stat!!! You didn’t sign a 50 year contract did you? >,-)))

    Huggggles, Tessa

    • tammy j

      wow.
      what a story! that’s why i’m scared of medications.
      I think some of them would literally kill you if not figured out!
      it’s a love/hate thing.
      but … and i’m not just saying this.
      your kitchen reminds me of coziness and the smell of good food and a happy family.
      there is never anything wrong with THAT!!!
      I signed a year’s lease. and who knows? by the end of it I may have adjusted and love this place!
      naming it ‘safe harbor’ was important. I do feel safe here. gotta get my mojo back! LOLOL! ♥

  11. Your housing complex is beautiful and I am not surprised that you are very happy with your apartment. The home I now live in is the only one that I ever bought and I have lived in it the past 25 + years. I am very comfortable in it as was my late wife and now my son and daughter in law who also live there. We are content here and do not foresee shifting anywhere in the foreseeable future.

    • tammy j

      contentment is always a good thing.
      and i think it’s simply wonderful that you LOVE your daughter in law.
      but then… what is not to love about her! she’s lovely.
      and beloved urmeela is there still… in the garden and in all the wonderful spaces with good memories.
      i’m sure this new place i live will ‘grow on me’ as they say.
      i was just so ill when i chose it that the change has taken me by surprise!
      thank you dearest sean. you always cheer me!

  12. I do love your writing and so glad you showed a photo of where you are – it always helps me when communicating with someone to be able to put them somewhere on the map in my mind so now i know where to find you! I can relate to a lot of what you said – there are times i see big families together for holidays and I have one of those families but they are spread out. It use to be that way when we all lived closer.

    I love to look at rentals online – I’m always imagining living somewhere else although i do like it here – but i like change and a bit of adventure – a new town to walk through and discover things i didn’t know about it. I know the mountains so well – much more than when I lived at the foot of them in the foothills and would look out my back yard and wish I could live in them. I do miss my yard back then – looking up at the mountains and owning my home where i could do anything i wanted to it. But..change is good and acceptance for where one is at is good too – with the idea that if spirit moves me – i’ll be gone in an instant somewhere else. I do find that i’m extremely comfortable here and every time i think of moving i just draw myself back into my cozy environment and say “forgeddaboutit”

    I’m glad u are happy and finding peace with the way things are and u are close to the marine.

    • tammy j

      😀
      the way you describe your life and memories and living it all… always sounds wonderful.
      I always too look forward to your posts on where you walk.
      I also have always liked change! I usually NEED IT! and it puzzles me why this one threw me a bit.
      I think it’s the illness thing. that has dragged on longer than I thought it would.
      the ‘bouncing back’ is not as fast as when I was younger. LOL!
      and then… autumn is on its way! my favorite months… autumn and winter!
      it will take on a whole new flavor here. and it truly is cozy on the inside of my safe harbor.
      and when all the dust settles… I realize I’m quite happy. XOXO♥

      • can’t get any better than “happy”. I agree – autumn is coming and is my favorite season. I just cue’d in some photos for tomorrow’s post from a time last November when we were up walking in the most beautiful neighborhoods of Santa Margarita – small town in the central coast and the trees were in blooms with fall leaves

        • tammy j

          oh! i’m there! in spirit anyway.
          I even love the names of all the towns there!
          your posts never fail to uplift me.
          to simply KNOW that there is that kind of beauty.
          and your gift in photography is every bit as wonderful as your paintings.
          couldn’t sleep. have been awake since 1:28 am. and didn’t go to bed last night til 11 pm!
          good grief. 🙂

  13. Linda Sand

    Please do not give up your imagination; it is often what lets us live in situations we would not otherwise choose. But, don’t live so far into your imagination that you do things like our daughter surprising her boyfriend by announcing their engagement and honeymoon plans to his family before confirming them with him!

    • tammy j

      wow! I didn’t know that’s what happened with alexa!
      but… I can’t help thinking it turned out for the best anyway.
      I haven’t given up on it really. I just thought in some ways it might be too much.
      probably it’s such a part of me that this whole idea is pointless anyway.
      it might just be in my DNA! ♥

  14. Becky

    Wow, lots of discussion from your friends here! Imagination is a lovely gift…I don’t think I have much of an imagination…I’m more of a creative problem solver…someone who likes to move concrete objects around until they fall pleasantly into place. And when I don’t have tasks to do and visual problems to solve, I get bored and start looking for the next place to play…like inviting people to dinner so that I can dream up the next table setting. It’s never really about the food (which I’m not really good at) but more about something to make the experience special.
    I like knowing where you are now…I was so scared about your situation…and disappointed to know that the wren house was ruined for you. I had a pretty good picture in my mind about how it looked. Now I need another description to be able to put you in a place. Two bedroom windows is lovely for the cross breeze. What light exposures do they have? north and east? south and east? southern exposure for the balcony?

    • tammy j

      a wonderful comment. and thus the success in your former profession!
      it’s all about making it work the most beautifully. and it’s very creative.

      since all this discussion I have started to look at this place with new eyes!
      and it’s a good thing. as Martha says. 🙂 it’s been good to step back and really see it.
      for instance my little balcony overlooks the pool. and the lawns are green.
      and the huge crepe myrtle tree on the pool’s edge is in full bloom with vibrant color.
      the aqua of the pool water makes me feel cool. and I always find pools beautifu!
      and I love hearing the families play and the children’s laughter.
      the balcony has a southern exposure so gets afternoon sun. but the mornings out there are nice.
      and the bedroom has one window on the south and the other on the west. lots of light!
      it does gets awfully warm right now! even with darkening blinds.
      but I have a ceiling fan and lovely A/C! and I may also put up some sheers. just to help with the heat.
      and …
      yes. I absolutely loved the wren house and the whole complex there.
      it was beautifully done. like an English village.
      this complex goes on for literally blocks and blocks! most of it looks like the pretty picture.
      I had begun to think of it as town houses in London!!! LOLOL!
      see what I mean about imagination? it’s a good thing too.
      so long as I don’t get carried away with it I guess. I’m always so glad when you stop by!XO♥

      • Linda Sand

        Or as row houses in Boston. Did you know the entire Freedom Trail from Boston Common to the Constitution in the harbor is only 3 miles long? That’s only an hour’s walk for most people.

        • tammy j

          my new england granddad . . . my mother’s dad . . . was from boston.
          I always loved his accent! and to me boston is just beautiful.
          I didn’t know that about the freedom trail.
          I remember walking 3 miles several times a day when we lived in northern Minnesota.
          and thinking nothing of it! it was 3 miles into town and you only had a bike or your feet!
          not like kids today with their own cars. 🙂 and yes. these DO look very much like the row houses! XO♥

  15. I mentioned in my blog this winter that I had a health scare. Well, it was more than a health scare. Turns out I have a rare autoimmune disease that attacked my kidneys – they’re now functioning at 30% – and is progressive. I went through a treatment that really knocked me out and I’m now on meds I have to take for the rest of my life. There’s a million side effects, but like you, I’m happy to be alive. I’m telling you this because I can see you’re feeling just like I was. So, here’s my advice dear friend: try to make the best of things until you’re feeling completely better. You’ve been through so much – your illness and being forced to quickly move from your home. You need some time to get back to your old self. Then you can take the advice of your friends and maybe poke around neighborhoods you love and see if there’s something you might be interested in. I know the thought of moving again is daunting, but I do believe that if you found something light and bright and beautiful, it might make moving a little easier. The heat and humidity do nothing to help, but that too will pass and help you feel a bit better.
    In the meantime, use that incredible imagination of yours to make everything in your life to be as beautiful as you want it to be.
    Sending lots of love and prayers your way.

    • tammy j

      oh susan. my dearest bean. the word progressive strikes fear in my heart for you.
      AND YET. I also happen to believe in healing miracles. I truly DO. I’ve seen them happen.
      and ever notice? the medical profession always has a way of painting the darkest picure for us.
      I still believe that our mind can literally turn things around. we MUST envision only good.
      and prove them WRONG!
      thank you so much for coming here with such beautiful words of support and wisdom.
      we all just take a day at a time don’t we.
      and… autumn is on the horizon! it never fails to make me feel better!
      even if it does usually arrive the first of December here! LOLOL! XOXO♥

  16. Thanks for the kind words, Tammy. As Deepak Chopra says, “Believe the diagnosis, not the prognosis.” Anyway, my point in telling you about my illness is that I was feeling exactly the way you’re feeling right now. It’s as if nothing feels quite right. I want to tell you that as you heal, you will feel better mentally and spiritually too. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And I know you can see it! xoxo

    • tammy j

      oh susan. you’re so astute. that is exactly the way i’ve been feeling…
      “as if nothing feels quite right” and i’m not used to feeling that way at all.
      i’ve always been an extremely positive person.
      you know… i’m the person given a room full of poop …
      i’m looking for a great little pony!
      LOLOL!
      we will BOTH see the light at the end of the tunnel dearest bean!
      love
      tam

  17. Hello Kind Friend! It has been too long since I stopped by. I’ve been getting your posts via e-mail, and reading them mostly while I wait in traffic — Talk about distracted driving! 🙂 But I think imagination is good for the mind and soul — Where would we be without it? I was so sorry to read about your health scare, and am glad that you’re better. I know how you’re feeling about your new home. I’ve felt that way too, even where I live now felt that way in the beginning. I say that “the house and I learned to love each other” and I have say that I’ve no doubt you and your new home will feel that way about each other too. It will be and is filled with your lovely spirit and imagination, so how could it not be?

    Take care of yourself. Thank-you as always for always kind thoughts you leave on my blog and your cyber-friendship that I so enjoy! –And by the way, the “bittersweet news” I had is that Bella went to her forever home! I’m happy for her, but sad for us, she is missed!!

    • tammy j

      oh kim!
      it’s always such a treat when you come by. and I KNOW how busy you are.
      so NEVER feel obliged!
      yes. so bittersweet. how you can stand getting attached and then letting them go on.
      but you know better than anybody dear heart what is BEST for them.
      you want to know something funny? I had just finished a new post.
      when I hit publish there was 1 comment showing.
      I thought WOW! that was fast! LOLOL! and it was yours of course. 😀

      thank you for your kind words.
      truthfully. apparently I had to rant a bit because I’m already turning a corner here I think.
      I know I will surely feel at home soon. am feeling better and stronger finally.
      again… thank you so much for stopping by! see you in the trenches dearest bean! XOXO♥

  18. Hello dearest Tam,
    When I first read this my heart sank and I could not comment. Instead I emailed you and then realized that it and my previous one had never been answered–and knew immediately that I’d sent it to the wrong address, your old address.

    I’ve since then read this twice, still not knowing what to say and hoping so much that you feel somewhat differently by now, because, dearest Tam, what would life be like without my friend with the fabulous ability to see beauty in so much–and even invent it if need be?

    Tam, what is blogging if not this gift?

    What are books for if not this? Movies?

    Tam, to give this up would be like only watching reality shows on television. We would not be soul sisters if you did that, would we? I doubt it.

    Was this post a symptom? Like a rash is before measles pop out? Have the symptoms abated somewhat by now?

    Not that you can’t have these periods–I have them all the time, but I know they’re not the real me, just a symptom of something amiss in my life. And we do have to take steps to treat what’s wrong, not just the symptoms. That’s why some of the suggestions from your blog friends above are so wise and I know you’ve thought about them and can maybe follow some of them in the future.

    And there are always some things that we can’t change and it does no good to bang our head on the wall. Yes we have to accept reality to a certain point. I’m trying to do that here (and I know you know what I mean by that). I remember reading that accepting reality is a trait of a well-adjusted personality. Okay, I see the reasoning behind that, but think of the children — just like you were– who deal with circumstances in their lives partly and maybe wholly by their inner minds making a beautiful world of the imagination surrounding them. Where would our artists come from otherwise?

    Adulthood does not mean being grownup in each and every way. I for one will always need to open a book or watch a movie or visit a dear blog friend expecting to be carried away on a rainbow of beauty that just might change my life for the better, and if not, simply soothe my bruised spirit.

    Well, for someone who could not for the life of me find the words to comment on this post before now, I’ve sure gone to the other extreme, haven’t I?

    Love to my kindred spirit,
    Dewena

    • tammy j

      oh dearest friend. dsm.
      i’m going to answer this wonderful comment through email.
      too much to go into here to explain! but every word you’ve said registered in the best way. ♥

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