we all come in different shapes and sizes.
all my life i’ve been short.
i used to be 5 foot 2 eyes of blue.
now i’ve shrunk and i’m 5 foot 1.
recently due to the illness i lost over 20 pounds.
JUST LIKE THAT!
kind of nice really. a little silver lining i guess to go with the dark clouds.
and yet . . .
and yet . . .
i STILL have that little round belly.
i thought it was gone. but naw. there it is.
and so . . .
i have decided
TO MAKE PEACE WITH MYSELF and that little round belly.
i practice my yoga to stay limber.
and i have certain exercises i do here at home to stay nice and firm.
but other than that . . . and WALKING in the cooler part of the year . . .
i am content to simply be me.
it has taken me a long time to get here. and it’s finally a wonderful feeling.
once after my bob died i somehow got down to 87 pounds.
wound up in the hospital. (a far too common stomping ground in my life)
they got me up to 99 pounds and let me go home.
here’s what that 87 pounds looked like.
a friend had just got back from hawaii and brought me a fresh lai!
elbows like knives.
no belly in sight.
my hair weighed the 87 pounds! LOL.
i was 36 years old.
i had only ever weighed 105 pounds my whole adult life. so i didn’t notice i had
kind of stopped eating.
then . . . two years later . . .
at 38 a major surgery of a certain kind and everything changed forever.
maybe not for all women. but for me it did.
hot flashes were to be the norm for the next 35 years. i kid you not.
and eventually i started to get ROUND. little by little each year.
not fat. not a heaviness all over. just a roundness.
that round little belly.
for many many years now i have been more interested in the INSIDE of me . . .
spiritually speaking i suppose you might say . . .
than how the OUTSIDE of me looks particularly.
this country is and probably forever will be ‘ a YOUTH culture. ‘
grandmothers dye their hair and visit the gym and wear spandex!
and that is all well and good! more power to them i say! YOU GO GIRL!
it’s just not for me. i want to be clean. and neat. and wear only what’s
comfortable. call it lazy. call it apathetic. call it whatever you will!
for me . . .
and maybe for some of you too out there . . .
it is enough to be healthy and simply happy with yourself just as you are.
and so . . . in honor of that thought . . .
i have something nice to share with you.
it is a whole new way of looking at this business of being round.
it is written in a lovely little book of essays i own . . . by bettyclare moffatt.
clearing the mind. opening the heart. replenishing the spirit.
the essay is called
an apple woman
according to a magazine article i just read, middle aged overweight women
come in two categories. they are classified as pear women or apple women.
i never knew that. i thought i was unique.
oh, i knew of course that i was an apple woman.
ever since i gave up self-hatred for lent,
i have noticed who i am without dismay.
a bout of yearning hits me every now and then, but since i eat lightly (low fat,
high fiber, no meat, no alcohol) since i exercise (walking, yoga, dance) since i am
by nature short, near the earth, built for stamina, grounded, since the days of
running marathons are over and my own unique combination of aging, genetics,
occupation, and a pesky endocrine system have served to shape me just so and
since i know all these things, i know of course,
that i am an apple woman.
this i regard as more fortunate than most do.
for i love apples!
they are shiny and round and radiate health, and i like to think,
goodwill on the outside.
they keep the doctor away.
inside, oh inside!
apples are bursting with firm flesh and densely packed juices.
they are both tart and sweet.
crisp, crunchy, packed with vitamins.
they satisy. they nourish. they sustain.
so it is with me.
perhaps someday, when labels and classifications fall by the wayside,
when emaciation signifies death instead of beauty,
the world will remember apple women.
then we will come into our own..
i’m starting now.
for i am an apple woman.
til soon old bean.