an apple woman

juciy red apple

we all come in different shapes and sizes.

all my life i’ve been short.

i used to be 5 foot 2 eyes of blue.

now i’ve shrunk and i’m 5 foot 1.

.

recently due to the illness i lost over 20 pounds.

JUST LIKE THAT!

phhft!

.

kind of nice really.  a little silver lining i guess to go with the dark clouds.

and yet . . .

and yet . . .

i STILL have that little round belly.

i thought it was gone.  but naw.  there it is.

and so . . .

i have decided

TO MAKE PEACE WITH MYSELF and that little round belly.

.

i practice my yoga to stay limber.

and i have certain exercises i do here at home to stay nice and firm.

but other than that . . . and WALKING in the cooler part of the year . . .

i am content to simply be me.

it has taken me a long time to get here.  and it’s finally a wonderful feeling.

.

once after my bob died i somehow got down to 87 pounds.

wound up in the hospital.  (a far too common stomping ground in my life)

they got me up to 99 pounds and let me go home.

here’s what that 87 pounds looked like.

a friend had just got back from hawaii and brought me a fresh lai!

.

elbows like knives.

no belly in sight.

my hair weighed the 87 pounds!  LOL.

i was 36 years old.

thin

.

i had only ever weighed 105 pounds my whole adult life.  so i didn’t notice i had

kind of stopped eating.

then . . . two years later . . .

at 38 a major surgery of a certain kind and everything changed forever.

maybe not for all women.  but for me it did.

hot flashes were to be the norm for the next 35 years.  i kid you not.

and eventually i started to get ROUND.  little by little each year.

not fat.  not a heaviness all over.  just a roundness.

that round little belly.

my nemesis.

.

for many many years now i have been more interested in the INSIDE of me . . .

spiritually speaking i suppose you might say . . .

than how the OUTSIDE of me looks particularly.

.

this country is and probably forever will be ‘ a YOUTH culture. ‘

grandmothers dye their hair and visit the gym and wear spandex!

and that is all well and good!  more power to them i say!  YOU GO GIRL!

.

it’s just not for me.  i want to be clean. and neat. and wear only what’s

comfortable.  call it lazy.  call it apathetic.  call it whatever you will!

BUT

for me . . .

and maybe for some of you too out there . . .

it is enough to be healthy and simply happy with yourself just as you are.

.

and so . . . in honor of that thought . . .

i have something nice to share with you.

it is a whole new way of looking at this business of being round.

.

it is written in a lovely little book of essays i own . . .  by bettyclare moffatt.

.

SOULWORK

clearing the mind. opening the heart. replenishing the spirit.

.

the essay is called

~

an apple woman

according to a magazine article i just read, middle aged overweight women

come in two categories.  they are classified as pear women or apple women.

i never knew that.  i thought i was unique.

oh, i knew of course that i was an apple woman.

ever since i gave up self-hatred for lent,

i have noticed who i am without dismay.

a bout of yearning hits me every now and then, but since i eat lightly (low fat,

high fiber, no meat, no alcohol) since i exercise (walking, yoga, dance) since i am

by nature short, near the earth, built for stamina, grounded, since the days of

running marathons are over and my own unique combination of aging, genetics,

occupation, and a pesky endocrine system have served to shape me just so and

since i know all these things, i know of course,

that i am an apple woman.

this i regard as more fortunate than most do.

for i love apples!

they are shiny and round and radiate health, and i like to think,

goodwill on the outside.

they keep the doctor away.

inside, oh inside!

apples are bursting with firm flesh and densely packed juices.

they are both tart and sweet.

crisp, crunchy, packed with vitamins.

they satisy. they nourish. they sustain.

so it is with me.

perhaps someday, when labels and classifications fall by the wayside,

when emaciation signifies death instead of beauty,

the world will remember apple women.

then we will come into our own..

i’m starting now.

for i am an apple woman.

.

til soon old bean.

til soon!

.

a happy puppy

34 Comments

  1. I don’t care if you’re an apple

    or a pear…

    A stallion

    or a mare…

    To me you will always be

    One oh-so fair

    🙂

    Excuse my corny rhymes. I just couldn’t resist lol

    xxx

    (I think I’m a watermelon)

    • tammy j

      LOLOL!!!
      you’re a poet
      and you know it
      your feet show it
      they’re longfellows! LOL!
      not as original as yours. but still.
      and NO.
      you are NOT a watermelon! good grief girl.
      XOXO♥

  2. Loved reading your apple post – i dont’ know what i am. I have always been tall – 5 11 – and maybe
    5 10 now. I gained weight since i stopped smoking 6 years ago – about 20 pounds, Being tall i can’t quite say i’m a pear or an apple – i need to research what body type i would be called. anyway so glad to have you back and healthy.

    • tammy j

      oh my! to be tall! you could wear a gunny sack and look good.
      tall people simply have a carriage.
      and no one could ever call you short and dumpy! LOLOL!
      isn’t it funny how we shrink? it’s very weird. a whole INCH! I hope that’s all.
      I don’t want to wind up looking like mammy yokum!
      and i’m SO glad you quit smoking! XOXOXO♥

  3. I love that picture of you. Even in those days you were full of spirit. And so beautiful. You are lucky to be only having a little plump issue now. I have fought weight all my life…and I mean fought with every ounce in me. My friend once said to me…did you ever think that this was the way you were supposed to be? I can’t accept myself this way. So I fight on.

    • tammy j

      or…
      you can just be a BEAUTIFUL apple woman!!! join the club!
      we have some very famous and esteemed members too. 🙂 XOXO♥

  4. beautiful beautiful you!
    just a wee bit of girl lol,, such a journey you have had,,the outside may change but that shining spirit glows from within,,
    you are an apple I am a very definite pear, together we make a beautiful fruit salad, so glad you are back with us,,

    • tammy j

      LOL! OH! I LOVE THAT!
      a beautiful fruit salad! that’s us!
      I wonder if I’ve used enough exclamation points. LOLOL! XOXO♥

  5. I was just thinking about this.
    How I wish I weighed what I weighed when I was young and felt fat.
    Funny how I am now actually fat and less worried about it.
    I need to lose weight, just to be healthy and also to look better in clothes.
    I think it’s more acceptable to have a little bit extra (or more) nowadays though than in earlier years.
    I see people walking around with tight shirts on showing their belly rolls. No one ever did that when I was young.
    I’m 5’8″ and used to weigh 140 or so and my friends and different boyfriends all told me to lose weight.
    Now I’m nowhere near that and while I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore, I wish I was 140.

    I’m not sure what fruit I’d be. It’s kinda all over the place! LOL!
    Apparently I’m more of a pastry.

    • tammy j

      a pastry!!! LOVE IT!
      you always make me laugh.
      and truth to tell… I think we look younger with a little roundness as we get older.
      smooths out any wrinkles! LOL!
      I would love to be 5’8″! that’s so cool.
      XOXOXO♥

  6. I’m the opposite of you – tall and thin (six foot tall). I guess we all have a unique body shape and if we’re lucky we accept that shape as what we are and don’t fret about meeting some supposed ideal. Some people see me as unnaturally thin but I take no notice as I’m generally fit and healthy so what’s the problem? Jenny is more like you, an apple shape. And nothing wrong with that!

    • tammy j

      well I would hope you’d be the opposite! LOL
      I think you sound very fine.
      like the marine.
      he’s in marvelous shape. nothing apathetic about him!
      OR you!

  7. Elle

    Glad to hear you are doing better!! I am so behind on my blog reading I didn’t know you had been ill…you are blessed to have your Marine in your life. And your new place sounds lovely; bloom where you’re planted is my motto (even if it’s hard sometimes).

    Take care from a pear in Ohio!

    Elle

  8. No comparison with my pumpkin middle Tammy. I too have learnt to accept that and enjoy life. This pumpkin man sends his best wishes to the apple woman.

  9. whether apple or pear, the best time of life is when we can accept ourselves just the way we are. So happy to hear you’re doing so much better. Your posts are always such a joy and truly brighten my day! xo

    • tammy j

      YOU brighten my day too!
      thank you. and such wise words… “the BEST time of life is when we can accept ourselves
      just the way we are.” oh! so true! have a wonderful weekend dearest bean! XOXO♥
      lo and behold… we JUST MIGHT get some rain. we’re in triple digits here.

  10. I LOVE apples! And I love you! 🙂 I almost think it’s harder to learn to love our bodies now as we age than teens/20’s and hand hang-ups of another kind… I don’t weigh a lot more at 43 (so far!), but the distribution of the weigh on my body is changing, and that’s been a little disconcerting. The waistline seem bigger, for sure… LOL! So glad you are doing better these day–keep well now! 😉 Happy to visit here before travels early next week. I’ll in touch again, soon as I can… HAPPY DAYS, my friend ((HUGS))

    • tammy j

      oh my! can’t wait to hear and see pics of where you go!
      SAFE TRAVELS my dear girl of the north! XOXO♥
      huge snoopy hug. and for wee charlie too.

  11. I *fear* I am a Pear.

    Used to be 5′ 3″… 110# Until after 4th pregnancy… held 5+ pounds, that time! Eeeek! Starved down… Been yo-yoing, ever since. Down to 98 when into a wee bit of anorexia.

    My height has shrunk of course, by 79. Would be happy with weighing 135, at this point. But need to lose 40#, to get there.

    A Pear I am. A Pear I am. Would love to be a smaller Pear. But the time to _worry_ about it, has past. 🙂

    Hooray for happy Apples! Hooray for happy Pears!

    Hugs, Tessa

    • tammy j

      AMEN!
      “the time to worry about it has past”
      life is to be enjoyed!
      as long as we are healthy.
      health is everything.
      XOXO♥

    • tammy j

      WISER WORDS were never spoken!!!
      you hit the nail right on the head with very few words. as always! XOXO♥

  12. Tam!

    You’re back! Now, whether you’re an apple or a pear or a papaya, it doesn’t really matter, does it?! For, we live in a big bowl of fruit, and although each one of us has a particular shape and taste, as a whole, we are one colourful, burst of brilliance!

    SO happy to hear that you are doing better! Missed your words and warmth and wisdom.

    XO♥XO♥
    P.S.: I’d bet my precious, pear pennies that YOU are probably a species of ‘Spartan’, seeing how you love your minimalism and all!:)))

    • tammy j

      HA!!!
      Spartan in spirit only… the physical… just a luscious piece of fruit from the big bowl!
      LOLOL!
      SO happy to see you here darling poppy! XOXOXO♥

  13. Call me an apple, call me a pear. Just don’t call me late to supper. Because really, do we want to let life drive us crazy? Sip the wine, eat a croissant every once in a while.

    And even better yet, let’s do like the French and put a square of luscious chocolate inside a hot croissant. And let it melt. Yum!

    Love to my apple friend,
    from your pineapple soul sister.

    • tammy j

      OH YES!!!
      I can just taste that croissant with the melted chocolate. oh my.
      dipped of course too in luscious soft vanilla ice cream! 🙂
      loving you back dsm!
      XOXOXO♥
      and love the pineapple soul! LOL!

  14. I love reading how you are self-assured and that you know what is for you and not for you. More people should be like you…I find it inspiring. I find myself getting more and more round with every pint of ice cream I eat. I guess there must be a correlation?? 🙂

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