reporter: interplanetary observer Zark
official observations: 12 month period terminating today
1. planet very beautiful. though inhabitants seem determined to destroy said planet in a myriad of ways ~ incompatible with the rest of the universal galactic population. very perplexing.
2. planet inhabitants claim something called “religion.” upon investigation ~ these religions all seem to centralize around a deity that is based on love. said inhabitants talk about this endlessly yet spend exorbitant amount of time annihilating each other in the name of said deity. often over real estate that is supposed to be considered ‘holy’ by said inhabitants. very perplexing.
3. planet inhabitants spend excessive amounts of what they call money in electing and re-electing their supposed ‘leaders.’ these leaders then do everything under the sun NOT to lead. they bicker and squabble and undermine each other for months and years on end. and yet the inhabitants keep spending the same excessive amounts of money each time to re-elect and elect another bunch of these supposed leaders. then the inhabitants complain about the new bunch all over again. very perplexing.
4. planet inhabitants seem to place extreme value on material goods and possessions. often to the detriment of what is called the “family unit.” apparently there is a thing such as debt. it is like water apparently, in its properties, because the commonly heard phrase is “drowning in debt.” it appears to be in epic proportions in the planetary realm. all over the planet it is a grave problem. they refuse to learn that materialism is not the course for happiness. very perplexing.
5. planet inhabitants seem to be enamored with ‘blowing things up.’ with shooting each other and watching programs that show inhabitants shooting each other, torturing each other and blowing each other up. this is apparently called “entertainment.” very perplexing.
6. thus ends the year long observation and report of the inhabitants of earth by objective intergalactic observer named
Number 9,286 Official Observer
planet # 1302
*** note to commander of this mission.
permission to leave this crazy nut house and return to a civilized planet!