back in the day . . .
notice . . . most of my stories are from back in the day? LOL.
i’m not too sure about today. things have changed a lot. a whole lot.
but back in the day . . .
there was a big difference in ladies and tramps. i mean gentlemen.
now. we all know that ladies have the same bodily functions as men.
we are human after all.
YES! we are captain fritter. even your ex’es. ex’s. exes. oh you get it.
anyway. but one of the greatest differences in us and men probably is . . .
we are a bit daintier in public.
feminine ‘decorum’ was learned at a very early age.
most especially for in that all encompassing world known as the . . . PUBLIC!
we were taught to sit up straight.
keep your elbows off the table.
sneeze into a tissue.
we would never think of picking our noses . . . in public.
or burping loudly. . . in public.
or farting . . . in public.
it got so bad . . . that for some shy souls . . .
we have even been known to turn on a water faucet to camouflage
the sound of our own water faucet. LOL!
this is not turning into a bar room type cheap joke post.
there is some kind of point here. not sure til i get there.
but it has to do with one of the more embarrassing moments in my life.
i had worked so hard all week.
it was a friday evening and a payday at that!
i was sitting in line in my car at my bank waiting to deposit my paycheck.
yes. we still did it that way back then. lol.
about a year and a half after my darling bob died . . . i started dating.
i was a very young widow. i would be invited to friends’ houses at first
and there were always mysteriously . . . extra men present.
apparently my friends all thought i needed a social life.
eventually i met people on my own.
i dated some really nice men.
one of them was a graduate student at the university.
he was a rather rugged type that wore his hair a bit long.
longer than mine actually! but he was big. and it suited him.
i called him the golden bear. “bear” for short.
he looked amazingly like this guy.
only he wasn’t this guy. somebody else got this guy . . .
back to my story.
i was waiting in line. at the bank. it was the middle of winter.
which meant it was bitterly cold – as oklahoma winters can be.
bear didn’t own a car. he walked everywhere he went.
he was an outdoor type. he had the ruddy complexion that outdoorsmen
get. and he always smelled of clean fresh air.
and of course. to make matters worse.
he happened to be drop dead gorgeous.
i had eaten lunch at my desk. rather late actually. about 1pm.
i had this for lunch.
TA DA ! ! !
this is an important clue to this sad little story.
apparently cruciferous vegetables do a magical thing when they get into
a human’s digestive system.
they do the same thing in our systems that they do in the famous systems
of those who are supposedly attributing to the global warming factor . . .
that day. that bitterly cold day at the bank in line at the auto window . . .
cars in front of me. cars in back of me. the windows rolled up. the heater
on. i thought . . .
oh why NOT ???????
i let’er rip.
YUP. i created my own global warming right there in my car.
and then i saw him.
and what is worse.
he saw me.
have you ever smelled ‘broccoli with cheese sauce’?
i mean. you know. LATER?
well. it AIN’T PRETTY.
and here comes bear. he’s walking with that beautiful rugged gait.
like wherever he’s walking it’s like beautiful scenes of mountains appear.
oh dear god.
nope. god says. you got yourself into this. i don’t deal with minor issues
he’s at the car window. tapping on the glass.
he motions for me to open the door.
i will always admire him for this . . .
he got in and sat down and never once did his handsome face let on
that he just sat down in a polluted air chamber.
we had both parted amicably. we were both dating other people by now
but there would always be an affection there.
we visited about everything in our lives. catching up.
it’s almost my turn at the bank window.
he turns in the seat and looks me square in the eyes.
“you know tam. those little tree air fresheners are cheap.”
i was stunned.
the ‘lady’ who had farted broccoli and cheese sauce had no words.
we just sat there in silence . . . both of us . . . for a second or two.
then we both burst into laughter.
we LAUGHED belly laughs until tears were streaming down our faces.
he reached out and took my face in his big hands.
he kissed me square on the lips. and then said
“tam. i will always love you.”
and with that he got out of the car.
i never saw him again. i think he moved away or something.
but you know what i think of everytime i eat broccoli and cheese?
i think of a great golden bear out there somewhere
who will always love this lady.