when i was 58 years old i died.
i had had a stent put into my heart that morning.
i was in the recovery room. the stent was put into the lad . . .
the one they call the “widow maker.” the left artery descending.
but wait. i was the widow!
i can report to you that it wasn’t a terrible thing. to die.
at least not that way.
i’m sure that getting eaten by a shark . . . or drowning or in a fire
would be totally different.
but when you’re in a hospital bed and you go into cardiac arrest it
goes like this . . .
there are two nurses across the room talking and laughing with my
room mate . . . another lady who also had a stent procedure that morning
suddenly i felt very nauseous.
i called out “excuse me. excuse me! i think i’m going to be sick!”
a nurse rushed over and placed a little plastic pan in the curve of my
neck. i didn’t get sick. she walked back to resume talking.
a sudden odd feeling began at the bottom of my feet and traveled up
both legs and arms to my chest. there was then a heavy weight on my
chest. i felt very warm.
i sat bolt upright and said
“PLEASE HELP ME ! I’M DYING!”
and i was.
your sense of hearing goes after your sight.
at least mine did.
i was hooked up to that little machine. you know the one that goes
beep beep beep beep . . .
i swear there were so many wires . . . it was like an antenna and on a
clear day i could probably contact cleveland. or even pittsburgh.
everything went totally dark. i could see nothing. the blackest black.
like a cave would be black.
the last thing i heard was a nurse yelling “her pressure’s gone! code blue!”
and i heard that little machine go beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
and then i heard and saw nothing.
i awoke to nurses standing around the bed.
i said a silly thing.
“how long was i asleep?”
one of them smiled and said . . . “almost forever.”
those nurses with their little ‘crash cart’ had saved my life.
they had 2 to 6 minutes to revive me before brain damage was
irreversible. my heart had totally stopped.
the next morning the cardiologist came in. he looked all of 13 years old.
his name was dr patel and he was from india. he had put the stent into
he asked if i’d ever had cardiac arrest before. “uh NO !!!”
good grief. apparently only 1% of people having it done have that
reaction. wow. and i was in that 1%!
with odds like that i should go to vegas.
my thoughts are . . .
that dying was not so bad. especially at 58 years old.
i have enjoyed my life. i’ve been very lucky indeed. even with the
losses of loved ones.
it’s those who have their entire lives ahead of them that i’m thinking
about as i write this. and as i was driving today listening to npr radio.
i am thinking of the little girl malala. she is fighting to survive and
have a life tonight. and she is just on the brink of being able to grow up.
she is 14 years old. two other little girls were also shot.
there are ignorant violent murdering men.
they’re called the taliban.
they SHOT a little child. three little girls actually. ages 14.
what kind of mentality murders children?
an innocent child who simply wants to learn.
who wants to become a doctor and help people.
what kind of coward covers his face with scarves so no one can see
his face . . . and then commits these horrendous acts?
why not show his disgusting face? what is he so afraid of?
these men are cowards. and they are the worst kind of bullies.
it takes no courage to kill a little child.
to snuff out a life that has barely begun . . . a little life that has dreams.
these men are not men. they are monsters.
they hate women.
their macho swaggering gun brandishing murdering ways are being
FINALLY seen by the entire world as pathetic and evil.
there is nothing “religious” about it.
they hate women.
and they have sworn that they will keep shooting this little girl until
they kill her. (and she is fighting for a normal life as i write this) .
today she was still unconscious. but the bullet had missed her brain.
her road to recovery will be a long one.
they hate women.
and the irony of it all is . . . their sorry selves came into this world
by way of a woman.
they can prance around all they want. but they can’t give birth to
i feel so sorry for their mothers.
can you imagine spawning a ‘thing’ that feels he has a RIGHT to take
the life of a little girl? for simply being a little girl and wanting a chance
at a life? a chance to learn?
i simply despair.