i have no idea how old most of you are who read the peanut.
but i’d say i’m probably the oldest one in the room. lol !
so some of my memories may make you think . . .
” good grief. what’s the big deal already?”
well. in another time. another age. people were different.
and some things really were quite a big deal.
my little gramma ( gram-uh ~ not grammaw ) was adorable.
she was my mother’s mother.
she had long wispy silvery white hair that always strayed from a neat
little bun at the nape of her neck. she wore crisply ironed house dresses.
she never had on a pair of slacks in her entire life.
she was born 14 years before queen victoria died. she was definitely
a child of the ‘victorian age.’ in other words. she was a lady.
she was scots-english by ancestry. and had been a member of the
presbyterian church for years and years. i was christened as a
baby in new york, in the presbyterian church.
which really has little to do with this story . . . other than
she’d been a presbyterian even long before that.
gramma came to live with us in oklahoma . . .
when we moved back here after daddy died.
so it was just my mother and gram and my brother and i.
gramma didn’t drive.
one weekend a friend of hers asked gram to attend a revival type
to be held in a big tent and campgrounds at a beautiful huge park
there in oklahoma city.
i drove gram to the campgrounds with her trusty (my brother’s actually)
sleeping bag and a few supplies
and she was ready for her big adventure.
grammy came back from that tent meeting with a new religion ! ! !
she was now a staunch 7th day adventist.
now, in case there are any sda’s reading this . . . i have nothing but respect
and admiration for this protestant sect. they are fine people.
they are not quite as ‘plain’ as the amish, but they come pretty darn close.
they wear no makeup. no jewelry of any kind . . . except a plain watch.
and they are supremely modest.
supremely . modest .
that is a clue. remember it.
the popular skirt lengths at the time were just above the knee.
the sda’s wore theirs almost to the ankle. their hair usually long and
held back with hair pins, or in a bun. they don’t even wear a wedding ring.
they are quiet, intelligent people who are in the world but not of the world.
their sabbath is also from sundown on friday to sundown on saturday.
it was 5:45 pm on a friday early evening.
i had raced home because i had a hot date. (hadn’t met my bob yet.)
i think i was going out with david then.
we were going to a movie . . . also forbidden in the sda church.
. . . and we were going to have dinner first. so i had to hurry ! ! !
when i entered through our living room door
there sat my mother . . . who was NOT sda . . .
and little gramma and gramma’s young minister.
he had “dropped by” unannounced to meet the latest new sheep in his fold..
the atmosphere was rather stiff. yet polite.
a lot of throat clearing on the part of the young minister.
i burst into the room as i always did in my 18 yr old common entrance,
and i stopped short. there i stood.
short skirt. high heels. make up. short pixie hair cut. bat poop lashes.
OH DEAR ! ! ! I LOOKED LIKE A HARLOT FOR SURE ! ! !
after the introductions and a little chat . . .
i excused myself as quickly and politely as i could.
then i quietly raced down the hall to my bedroom.
it was unseen from the living room.
i never thought of closing the door. i’m in a rush.
my young brother had rescued a puppy a few weeks before all this.
(i think you probably know where this is going, don’t you) ?
she was just a darling!
mostly papillon. with those butterfly ears and a sweet little face.
mother didn’t have a chance in saying “no.”
she had captured all our hearts with one wag of that tail.
nevertheless . . . my brother named her ‘useless.’
i thought that was cruel and that she would know.
so we all called her “usie.”
usie scampered into the bedroom that day with me, of course.
this was apparently before panty hose. can you believe that ! ! !
and i had on a beautifully made french garter belt. it was black with
lace and tiny pink rose buds on it just above where the nylon stockings
hooked onto the garters. i did have plain white cotton garter belts too.
god only knows why i didn’t wear one of them that day.
well . . . maybe better to just keep god out of it.
anyway. i was now in a mad rush. i had wasted precious time
chatting politely with gram’s young minister.
i unhooked the garter belt, leaving the stockings connected to the garters.
i wriggled out of them carefully so as not to run them.
and being the teenager in a hurry that i was, they landed on the floor.
i unhooked my lace bra and threw it on the bed. i was going to wear jeans
and a top to the movie. i was oblivious to anything but getting ready.
in the living room in the meantime, as if it were a parallel universe . . .
a strange scene was taking place in slow motion.
usie was a very busy little puppy.
i did not see this. i was told what happened. later. after he left.
usie pranced out with my see-through black silk lace garter belt
with the nylons still hooked to it . . .
and then . . .
she very ceremoniously arranged them right in front
of the young minister.
not in a clump, mind you. that would have been bad enough.
but she stretched them out . . . length-wise . . . just so.
like a ghostlike french whore . . .
who was lying there . . . on our living room floor.
sprawled at the modest minister’s feet.
i’m sorry if i offend anyone with this post. it’s a true story.
but i suppose with the picture and the word whore . . .
it’s rated pg 13 at least?
i did try to warn you. but i am proof that apparently
these things do happen to innocent people.
i think little usie had a thing for the minister.
she had also taken my bra with her to the hallway.
so in only seconds . . .
she was able to deliver her next gift to him.
. . . which was also . . . see-through lace.
at least the bra was white.
i frankly don’t know why that should matter at this point.
but it makes me feel better somehow.
my mother came to her senses.
it’s like everyone in that room was in some kind of time warp.
they had just sat there staring at my sexy underwear . . .
displayed on the floor in all its see-through provocative glory . . .
a gift from usie and me . . . just for him.
mother finally scooped everything up and held onto them ~
while usie was jumping up trying to get them all back.
suddenly the young minister had a “prior engagement.”
he very nearly ran from the house. do they not cover this in seminary?
when i came into the room . . . ready for my date . . .
my little gramma was sitting there shaking. covering her face.
tears were streaming down her eyes. strange gutteral sounds were
coming from her throat. i thought she was crying.
and she was.
she was laughing just that hard.
i can’t remember anything about the date i had that night.
and p s . . .
i apologize for all the posting confusion.
if you missed my post on saturday . . . i explained it all there.
i’ve told my friends in the 100 acre wood . . .
thanks but no thanks. you know. for the intervention.
i’ve just gotta take my chances with addiction to this blogging thing.
i’m gonna have to write just whenever i feel like it.
any day. every day. no day. kinda like that.
but i’m still going to have pooh over often . . .
for tea and huny you know.
he was really worried about it.
so . . . see ya when i see ya ! that’s so much better!