Nov 192014
 

shell on beacharistocrator.tumblr.com

.

i got word last night that a dear friend of mine

died of cancer on friday.

.

i haven’t shed a tear.

.

it was a long 8 year battle.

even she wanted it over.

in the last year

she has suffered much.

.

how many lives in my life has cancer stalked.

and last year . . .

even my own.

.

one becomes numb to the very word.

.

today

i feel only relief for her sweet body and soul.

.

she will be missed.

.

but it’s blessedly over for her.

.

the rest of us . . .

.

well.

.

even with it all . . .

it’s still good to be alive i think.

.

i wish people would be more kind to each other.

.

i wish people like the senator from my state of oklahoma

wouldn’t embarrass me

when he says

” global warming is a conspiracy.”

.

good grief.

.

 i wish every single thing we say or thing would not be

politicized.

.

i wish people could work together to make this world better.

i wish they cared less about money

and more about the planet.

.

 i wish that

cancer

wasn’t

in truth

a

HUGE BUSINESS

.

an

INDUSTRY

that is

RICH

in real estate.

in highly specialized technical jobs.

in machinery.

in drugs.

.

they keep asking for

more and more and more

money.

you know.

for research.

.

i have donated much money to

the cause

in the past.

.

CANCER.

.

my mother died of it.

my husband.

my sister in law.

bob’s dad.

bob’s uncles and aunts.

so many …  many

of my friends.

the latest one just last friday.

.

i gave and gave and gave.

from a sense of duty.

from guilt?

.

i’m alive.

they’re dead.

.

so i must help.

.

but not anymore.

you may be shocked.

but i refuse to give anymore.

.

if

IF

the cancer industry

didn’t have to keep going

.

didn’t have to keep providing so many jobs . . .

wasn’t part of the medical infrastructure itself . . .

a monster that needs supporting . . .

FOREVER it seems . . .

.

well . . .

.

 

maybe there would be a cure.

.

so.

we will keep living in this world

this

imperfect

beautiful

horrible

wonderful

world.

.

it’s all a paradox isn’t it?

.

just a few days ago . . .

one soul left.

another little soul arrived.

.

one of my dearest friends welcomed

a tiny new grand daughter.

.

she’s beautiful and healthy.

she has a little “big sister” who is overjoyed.

as is her entire family.

.

that’s the beauty of life.

.

we take our turn here on this stage.

we endure what we have to endure.

we enjoy what we’re privileged to enjoy.

.

and we smile through our tears.

.

and . . .

if you live in buffalo new york . . .

.  .  .

stay safe.

stay warm.

the rest of us are watching.

and

our hearts are with you.

.

til soon old bean.

til soon.

Nov 172014
 

YUP.

this used to be me too.

.

car lights in snowcourtesy:news9.com

.

out there with everybody!

trying to get to work.

.

scraping the windshield.

.

warming up the engine.

.

starting your drive an hour earlier.

.

tensing up when those daredevils swerve too fast

or follow you too closely.

.

never just light fluffy snow with traction.

.

on no . . .

driving on ICE

with a covering of light snow.

always the ice.

.

that’s how our winter comes here on the prairie.

.

there’s always a thick layer of ice first.

.

schools are closed today.

but

you’re always expected to get to work.

even if you have to be late.

.

so silly really.

if you think about it.

.

the curse i guess of modern day living.

nothing ever simply stops for a little while now.

.

i would hate to be one of the hundreds of

fender benders this morning . . .

.

because later today the temp will be 37 degrees with sun.

the snow will melt.

all that would make the difference would be a few hours.

.

and tomorrow there will be patches of black ice.

because all the water will re-freeze solid tonight.

.

but for the most part the beautiful

WHITE

of it will all be gone.

it will be like a dream.

.

we at least got some moisture at last!

that’s the blessing in it for us in

DRY LAND.

.

and

like becky said

if you don’t

HAVE TO

get out in it

you can enjoy its splendorous beauty!

.

it was so lovely to sit here in the wren house yesterday

and simply watch it come down . . .

.

falling snowcourtesy:becuo.com

.

and it is

so very beautiful!

.

perhaps like all things beautiful . . .

it’s because

HERE

we know it’s fleeting.

.

i remember years in northern minnesota and upstate new york

when it started in september and was still snowing in the spring!

.

SO

i simply relax and enjoy it now.

.

and that is the perk.

one of the wonderful perks

that come with being

old.

.

i don’t even mind that word anymore!

LOLOL.

.

aside from something in your body somewhere

constantly

hurting

or else not working properly the way it should

as in your crazy

heart

.

ALL

the time

every darn day

.

LOLOL!

YES!!!

.

besides

ALL THAT . . .

there are definitely

PERKS!

.

and the main perk that comes to mind right now . . .

.

i no longer have to worry

about

GETTING THERE.

.

it’s true.

you can enjoy the beautiful snow

if you don’t

HAVE TO

get out in it.

.

just stay home.

be cozy.

have one of these.

.

gif firecourtesy:everysingleinsanity.tumblr.com

.

even if you have to fake it with a dvd!

LOL.

.

now.

i’m going to gaze upon this picture below . . .

and conjure up

wonderful spice filled memories of my childhood.

.

when my gram made homemade donuts

just like these.

.

donutscourtesy:posiegetscozy.com

.

a glass of cold milk.  a warm donut.

.

life didn’t get much better.

.

home from school on a snow day!

.

that’s  just how i feel today.

.

let the cozy adventure begin!

.

til soon old bean.

til soon!

.

and if you’re where it’s snowy and icy . . .

and you have to be out in it . . .

my heart to yours in your car.

be safe old bean.  be safe.

Nov 152014
 

uh oh !!!

YUP !!!

.

this is supposed to happen here sometime tomorrow!

.

snow on catcourtesy:imgur.com

.

SNOW!

falling on little cats’ heads.

.

and on the rest of our heads if we’re out there.

.

our first snow of the season here !!!

.

I DO SO LOVE THE SNOW !!!

though

i’m almost afraid to admit it here out loud

when so many of you have tons of it for so long.

wayyyy  toooo long really.

and i know that you must get sick of it.

.

kind of like our endlessly dry and overly hot summers.

they go on forever and ever and ever . . .

and

we see everyone else get the rain.

.

everybody has their own stuff to live with i guess.

.

but i’m excited about tomorrow’s forecast!

to me it makes everything so beautiful.

fresh.

clean.

sparkling.

.

AND

it means

that today . . .

i do a few little things to get ready

for the new winter season.

.

one of my favorite things

in the winter . . .

.

IS

sitting inside

.

WITH

the snow outside

.

red tartan

 .

and

homemade vegetable soup fragrance

filling the little wren house.

.

and

 lamps lighted

creating a warm golden glow in the room.

.

and

a good book.

right there on the table by my chair.

.

OH YES!

.

.

well.

no!

that’s not a picture of my wren house above.

it is beautiful though isn’t it?

.

BUT

 mine looks just as cozy.

it sure does old bean.

.

    you see . . .

it’s time

for

TARTAN!

.

every room in the wintertime cries out for

just a touch

of

red tartan.

.

well.

it doesn’t even have to be red really.

simply tartan will do

thank you!

.

as a couple of the pictures below prove . . .

.

tartan br 1this and following two pictures courtesy of:belclairehouse.com

.

personally . . .

i’d have to cozy this room up a bit . . .

with a worn old beautiful persian carpet on the floor.

and

of course i’d change that pillow!  yuk.

i would use a deep teal blue to pick up one of the colors in the carpet.

even a buffalo plaid would have been a better choice.

or . . . a floral.

YES!

floral goes beautifully with tartan surprisingly enough.

.

LOLOL.

isn’t this fun?

.

WHAT ???

YOU SAY ???

i’ve lost the men in the audience?

.

oh.

well.

you really should hang in there guys.

one just for you is coming up.

no.

not this next one . . .

.

tartan br 2

.

so lovely.

always love a touch of nautical.

.

but . . .

down below . . .

here ya go!

.

though

again.

what’s with the cold floors?

.

sorry.

but I like stepping out onto something warm first thing

in the morning.

or last thing at night.

.

so . . .

at least just a rug by the bed please.

.

tartan br 3

.

brown tartan.

for the gentleman.

.

very english looking.

and

completely enticing!

.

especially if that gentleman smells like this . . .

.

smell of pinecourtesy of:it’sabeautifulride

.

oh!  be still my heart!

.

.

back to earth tammy.

.

.

SO.

alas and alack

and

as it were.

.

the little wren house is ready for

winter.

LOLOL

YUP.

we totally skipped

AUTUMN

you know.

here where i live.

while the rest of you were awing and gasping at the beauty of trees turning

.

.

 each year now . . .

we seem to go straight from high summer

right into winter.

.

but that’s okay.

i’m not going to gritch about the weather here.

.

” too late tammy.  guess what?  you already have! “

.

OH DRAT.

see how the

ATTITUDE

of that woman

creeps in?

.

well.

back to the important stuff.

.

my winter wren house.

.

it’s no longer 106 degrees in the shade out there.

time to bring on

THE COZY!

.

and being minimalist as i am . . .

i do it not with a lot of stuff sitting around . . .

but with color and more importantly

TEXTURE!

.

nothing says to me cozy and warm better than

soft throws and velveteen pillows in rich colors.

.

these are on my bed now.

.

red velvet pillows

mine are actually a bit deeper red than these and not as bright.

.

 more like a beautiful claret wine when you hold it up to the light.

gorgeous.

.

 the richness and softness is what’s important for me to feel.

and

they’re simply beautiful in fulfilling that department.

.

key word to me . . .

you know . . .  is always . . .

.

simple.

.

and

as a runner on the large glass topped table between my two white wicker chairs

you’ll find

THIS!

.

there are crystal cut glass candle holders on it . . .

but instead of candles . . .

two of them hold large smooth stones that came from

a river in idaho.

carved by the water thousands of years ago.

the stones were a gift to me from my marine.

from one of his hikes in the mountains there.

.

i love rustic and elegant together.

.

tartan on table

.

i also love this particular tartan pattern.

.

it’s just beautiful against white wicker and glass

with dark wood sitting nearby.

.

ahem . . .

as in . . .

the little notorious dark wood table that spawned a torn rotator cuff!!!!

.

we won’t mention that.

.

but i do still love that little table.

.

 .

and next . . .

here are some wonderfully happy pictures of tartan.

i use the word happy.

i don’t know why.

tartan simply has always made me feel happy.

all my life.  even in childhood.

.

can tartan be in one’s

DNA ???

.

 tartan on bench
pinterest

.

ivy clad tartancourtesy:ivyclad.com

.

slim paley photocourtesy:slimpaley.com … a slim paley photo

.

and finally . . .

.

tartan tablecourtesy:pinterest

.

whoa!

excuse me please.

but

it’s almost time to get ready for dinner.

.

it’s to be a rather formal affair this evening you know.

i don’t often indulge in those evenings.

but it’s an old friend.

.

we’re toasting to her book she just published.

her room above is all ready for us.

and i’m very excited.

.

what am i wearing you ask?

.

tartan heel

with my little black dress

BUT OF COURSE !!!!

.

seriously tammy?

LOLOLOL

.

i know i know.

you’d have to wheel me in there if i had those things on.

LOLOLOL.

.

just wanted to see if you’re still paying attention.

.

til soon old bean!

til soon.

Nov 122014
 

THIS

is

how

i came to think about

it.

marine corps

the globe and anchor

.

well.

of course you recognize it.

.

the marine corps emblem

.

it’s a symbol

of

 what introduced me . . .

.

or shall i say

who

introduced me

to

my

new best friend!

.

.

if you have a marine in your life like i do . . .

regular peanut readers all know him . . .

my brother.

the marine.

.

here’s one of my favorite pictures of him below . . .

it was one christmas at

mike and reve’s house.

( his son and daughter~in~law )

.

he’s 65 years old.

and he’s a

past master at self discipline.

.

he’s still in that exact same shape today.

only there’s more silver in his hair now.

.

he’s very tanned all year round.

this picture’s light is pale and odd.

and i wish he had looked up.

but . . .

we’re lucky to have any at all.

he’s not into having his picture taken.

.

(note the globe and anchor buckle)

a gift from his son.

.

my favorite pic

.

i digressed.

.

if you’re lucky enough to know a marine . . .

.

AND

it that marine is still embodying what he was taught

in the corps . . .

.

like my own is

.

then you will already know about this.

.

the crucible.

.

you thought marine boot camp was hard?

.

nope.

.

not grueling enough apparently.

.

they’re still not a

marine

until they complete

the crucible.

.

the final test.

.

crucible

.

they have to endure

that 54 solid hours.

very little sleep.

4 small meals … rather … MRE’s

.

no shelter

.

all weather extremes

.

constant brutal tests for 54 hours straight.

.

wire

.

tests of endurance

.

swamp

.

on their backs

.

skills of combat

.

survival tactics

.

teamwork

.

almost therecourtesy:leatheneck.com

.

teamwork

.

leadership

.

night maneuvers

day and night marches

.

pressing on.

.

 pressing on.

.

if a man

or a woman

were ever going to learn

self discipline

it would be in

the crucible.

.

if you survive and make it through

the crucible

( and four young marines died in a swamp one year )

. . .

you have the honor for the rest of your life

to call yourself

.

a marine.

.

earned

.

and only after you’ve made it through the crucible

are you addressed

as a marine.

and

only then.

.

dress blues

.

simple as that.

.

SO.

when my marine quietly and gently said these words to me . . .

.

” it’s a shame you have to give up something you enjoy so much

just because of discipline. “

.

and of course he meant

LACK

of discipline.

but was being too kind to say it.

.

i got the simple message.

.

so

yes.

for what it’s worth . . .

i’m back here.

sitting at the peanut.

.

all the drama.

my goodness tammy.

such a drama queen.

.

a simple little blood clot

stacked up

against the crucible.

.

and no.

i’m in no way comparing myself to a marine!!!!

.

good lord.

i’d never make it past the first hour.

what am i saying???

the first 3 minutes !!!

let alone all the way to the crucible.

.

i do realize blood clots are life threatening

and dangerous.

i’m not taking that lightly at all.

BUT

i’m not going to let it define my life either.

.

i found myself getting depressed.

and

that’s not me.

.

 i fear depression.  it’s a health breaker.

and i believe that it’s as dangerous to your health

as a simple blood clot or other heart problems.

.

AND . . .

my self discipline needs all the help it can get !!!

i still admit to a computer addiction.

.

SO

MEET MY NEW BEST FRIEND !

.

oven timer

YUP !

a simple little oven timer.

( seems vaguely like i did this before . . . )

LOLOL ???

.

anyway . . .

i will set it for

one hour

in the morning.

.

ticking the minutes away while i’m here at this computer.

.

then when it DINGS

I’M OUTTA HERE!

.

then in the afternoon or evening

i can set it for another hour here.

.

any old blood clot should be able to handle that for pete’s sake.

.

GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!

alas!

alack!

and

as it were!

.

so

i’ll get to lurk around all your blogs again!!!

and even post some traditionally

OVER~LONG posts right HERE

on the old peanut.

.

another area for much needed self discipline right there.

LOLOL.

.

and

well.

maybe the self discipline thanks to my useful new best friend

will rub off into ALL the other areas of my life

that could use a little

you know . . .

.

discipline!

.

what a nice word.

.

til soon old bean.

til soon!

.

semper fi.

Nov 032014
 

Lemon3courtesy:organicfacts.net

.

well.

i used a beautiful healthy lemon for the picture on this post.

because

today

i used a descriptive word i hardly ever use!

.

a dear friend told me i should write this post.

and not just

STOP

posting for awhile.

she’s kind and thoughtful.

and i’m following her lead.

.

SO

here i am.

telling you

YES

one more time

.

i’m having to take a break from here.

.

i know. i know.

i seem to always sound just like the

boy who cried

WOLF !

.

i’m back on the blood thinning drug

Xaralto.

.

i’m not complaining.

it saves my life.

.

and since i am flat out like a lizard . . .

ADDICTED

to

this computer

.

and to tell you the truth . . .

it has come at a good time.

i’m actually kind of tired of my own voice.

.

BUT . . .

.

to help this blood clot again

this time in the right leg

i’ve got to stay away from here.

.

leave no comments on this post please.

.

we all know i’d feel i had to get back on this to answer!

LOLOL!!!

.

oh yes.

see how i digressed?

.

the reason i used the picture of the lemons

is because

it’s certifiable . . .

.

my health for the past

TWO YEARS

has simply

SUCKED !!!

.

just like sucking a lemon.

.

BITTER !!!

i’ve just GOT to get back on track.

can’t keep this silly bad health going.

.

so.

i’m obeying orders once again.

i’ll be back.

but not too soon old bean.

not too soon!

.

LOVE YOU ALL.

and you know who you are.

Nov 012014
 

SORRY !!!

.

apts

a picture of my wren house apartments.

,

not the name of the apartments of course.

just my little apartment.

.

because it’s so tiny.

only

525 square feet.

but

oh so cozy !

,

and beautiful really.

if i do say so myself!

LOLOL.

.

.

the cozy minimalist

.

my other blog.

.

remember the cozy m?

.

WELL . . .

.

my dear captain has just saved all the posts

that were on

‘ the cozy minimalist ‘

.

AND . . .

.

we’re going to let it go back into the ether.

.

it will be

no more.

.

all of the cozy m posts

will now be included

alphabetically

on

the

peanut here.

.

BUT !!!

.

apparently there’s a side effect when you do that

it

sends you your own comment on that post

BACK TO YOU!!!

.

at least it does on a wordpress blog!

.

who knew?

.

i’m sorry.

if you would just delete them all . . .

it will be overwith now.

.

I THANK MY CAPTAIN

for

doing this for me on a weekend.

.

when he should be watching

a

football game!!!

.

again. my apologies.

.

til soon old bean.

til soon!

Oct 292014
 

GET OVER YOURSELVES

.

The kardashians arriving at Naimie's Beauty Center in Los Angelescourtesy:sawfirst.com

.

yes.

yes.

we know.

you have huge

butts

and

huge

boobs

and

bad marriages.

and

no talent

except for getting your pictures

EVERYWHERE

CONSTANTLY

.

even if it has to be

a

SELFIE.

for pete’s sake.

.

kim selfiecourtesy:hellomagazine.uk.

.

really?

we’re that stuck on ourselves are we?

.

.

and

.

GET OVER YOURSELVES

.

you singers who look like you’re

SCREAMING

( actually most of you are )

and

yet

it’s

called

SINGING

now.

.

or are you merely

constipated

and in a lot of pain?

.

.

get over yourselves.

YOU ALL

LOOK

ALIKE

and

YOU

ALL

SOUND

ALIKE

.

BOR~ING

.

 adele

.

actually she has a lovely voice.

but spare us the contorted face please.

.
adelecourtesy:onpoint.wbur.org

.

adam

.

adamcourtesy:tvguide.com

.

jazz singer… name unknown to me

.

jazz singercourtesy:pccjazz.com

.

even the piano player thinks she’s in pain

.

christina

.

chrisinacourtesy:rollingstone.com

.

steven

.

wow stevie.

you’re gettin’ a little old to be screamin’ that hard.

you might just

bust

something!

see his carotid artery sticking out there?

.

stevencourtesy:rollingstone.com

.

nine inch nails

.

okay.

i’m tired.

and

i rest my case.

.

my ears hurt just

WATCHING

these

people.

.

i mean

singers.

.

really?

nine inch nailscourtesy:engadget.com

.

.

.

 GET OVER YOURSELVES

YES.

the lazy louts . . .

.

ALL

the people out there

who

are

too

DAMNED

LAZY

to

simply

put

the

blasted cart

BACK

where it belongs.

.

NOT

in spaces between cars.

.

how hard is it?

.

 cartscourtesy:shannongreen.blogspot.com

.

SERIOUSLY ???

.

seriouslycourtesy:shannongreen.blogspot.com

.

that’s just

PITIFUL.

.

.

yes.

i’m apparently

grumpy tonight.

.

sorry.

.

just thinking about some of these things.

and now . . .

.

i’m going to turn on the

boob tube

.

funny.  wonder where boob tube came from?

well … we know the tube part.

TV’s used to have picture tubes.

but the boob part?

.

not kardashian type boobs surely.

more like

boob as in . . . what?

stupid?

.

well i’m going to turn on the stupid tv

and since there’s nothing on PBS right now

but news . . .

i’m going to watch

the cartoon for adults

that’s NOT dirty either . . .

it’s

King of the Hill

.

i like it!

LOLOLOL.

i know .  i know.

there’s no accounting for

TASTE !!!

.

but hey . . .

GET OVER YOURSELF!

LOLOLOL !!!!

.

til soon old bean.

til soon!

Oct 272014
 

TRICK

or

TREAT !!!

.

NO !!!

NO NO KITTY !!!

.

don’t open that door for pete’s sake !!!!

.

trick or treatcourtesyof:contentinacottage.com via little french bulldog blog.

.

many of you have read about my

ZEKE.

.

BUT

if you’re

NEW

to the peanut here . . .

or . . .

even if you’re

OLD

     and just never have met him before  . . .

.

PLEASE!

meet

my

ZEKE.

.

click right over there on his picture

in the side bar for an introduction.

 and

.  .  .

THEN

.

you could always read his little story.

i did a post on him once.

with

 more pictures of him.

.

don’t worry.

it’s

a

very

short

post.

.

just as my time with him was too short.

.

BUT

every second

every split second

was worth it.

.

AND

the pictures of him in it are good.

.

he’s definitely a guy worth meeting !

.

the posts are in

alphabetical order.

.

just click on

‘ get ready for some zekey love ‘

.

that zeke.

that fine gentleman.

he was my own heart beat.

.

AND YES

HE LOVED KITTIES !!!!

.

sometimes he found it hard to believe

they didn’t automatically love him back!

LOLOL.

but still . . . he loved them.

.

a lot of dogs do.

.

i have a beautiful friend

ATLAS

who

has always wanted his

very own kitty.

.

atlas lives in hope to this very day.

.

at least there’s finally one in the house where he lives now.

whether it can be called

HIS

is another story.

LOLOL!!!

.

well.

have a wonderful happy and safe

HALLOWEEN

everybody.

.

and a great week.

.

til soon old bean!

til soon.

Oct 262014
 

that

simple raisin toast

.

raisin toastcourtesy:sodahead.com

.

can make this little wren house smell

HEAVENLY!

.

and i didn’t even have to bake anything!

LOLOLOL!!!

i just eat it!

sometimes with crunchy peanut butter on top.

.

.

.

that

it’s still a fact . . .

.

little children don’t always need

electronics and batteries

to have a good time.

.

and that makes me happy.

.

sand playcourtesy:goodmenproject.com

.

.

that

i’m so glad i didn’t pack away my summer clothes.

.

it’s still high summer here.

every other day !!!

good grief charlie brown.

.

shorts and tshirtcourtesy:shopfanatico.com

.

yesterday we broke a record.

it was 92 degrees in my city.

33.3333 Celsius.

.

today . . .

well . . .

today . . .

GOSH!  it’s a veritable COLD FRONT!

LOLOL.

.

87 degrees.

30.5556 Celsius

.

87 in novcourtesy:koco.com

.

i’m right under oklahoma city

in that triangular shaped county.

yup.

.

.

that

whenever i feel just like

THIS . . .

.

angry pupcourtesy:newsiosity.com

.

and believe you me

sometimes

I DO !

.

it really doesn’t usually last very long.

.

it doesn’t take much to make me happy.

.

thank goodness for that !

LOL.

.

.

that

long long ago

in a galaxy

far far away . . .

.

minnesota as a matter of fact . . .

.

my english teacher . . . mr mac vey

taught us how to

SET OUR MENTAL ALARM CLOCK.

.

wake upcourtesy:szeretlekmagyarorszag.hu

.

and it

never fails me.

.

it hasn’t yet !!!

.

it’s one of the best things i ever learned.

.

.

that

finally . . .

i love the taste of water.

i didn’t always.

but now i do.

especially

with a little slice of lemon in it!

.

so fresh!

so healthy!

.

water with lemoncourtesy:engine2diet.com

.

my wish for you today old bean . . .

is

THAT

you have a wonderful week coming up!

.

and

THAT

you

love

your

life.

.

it’s good.

.

til soon old bean!

til soon.

.

P.S.

ever notice how the word

that

is sort of strange ?

especially when you say it a lot ?

like

that.

LOLOLOL !!!!

Oct 192014
 

registered

GOLD DUST

.

.

” DUSTY “

he called her.

.

his pride and joy.

.

dustycourtesy:erictrules.com

.

that’s just what she looked like.

.

when i was very young

my father always had horses.

.

he was an excellent horseman.

he trained many of them for other people.

not as a job . . .  but simply because he loved being around horses.

.

he rode beautifully.

he was always one with the horse.

.

i can see him in my mind even now.

at one point he owned three of them.

then finally just one.

.

he could even gentle horses that were nervous and wild.

they seemed to instinctively trust him.

.

and he was ALWAYS their protector.

as in one incident i’ve already told you about.

.

if you’re new to the peanut and want to read more about this

fascinating and complex man . . .

please read his little story

in the list of my past posts on the side bar.

.

‘ the good ones . . . jim reed ‘

.

it’s the stuff of life in which movies are made.

.

he was bigger than life really. to me anyway!

a most unusual man.

.

.

his pride and joy was

DUSTY.

she was a registered golden palomino with white mane and tail.

she was glorious!

.

she was just like the family dog to him.

only she was more spoiled than our dog ever was!

LOLOL.

.

so at a time in childhood when children establish fears . . .

i learned very early not to be afraid of

horses.

.

i STILL simply LOVE all horses. ALWAYS have.

and i have NEVER feared them.

.

when we began moving so much due to daddy’s work . . .

we could no longer take her with us all the time.

.

what to do with his beloved dusty?

.

he could not bring himself to sell her.

he simply loved her too much.

.

SO

he gave her to a church orphanage that had lots of fenced land with it . . .

and a good man to take care of her there.

he had met the man and liked him.

.

they were still called orphanages back then.

i don’t know if they are called that now . . .

in this day of political correctness.

.

for many years

the orphanage would send daddy pictures of dusty with children riding her.

and a report from the man whose sole job it was . . . to care for dusty.

AND

they always accompanied the pictures

with a nice letter thanking him once again for giving her to them.

she made the difference in lots of little children’s lives they said.

.

even so . . .

i’m sure it was bittersweet for him.

and he never spoke of her.

.

all of this i’ve written is just to let you know

why i find so unusual . . .

.

a dream i once had.

.

.

.

it’s the most curious dream i’ve ever had in my whole life.

.

i can still vividly remember it as if it were yesterday.

.

but

i think of the dream hardly ever.

.

and yet . . .

 whenever i do think of it  . . .

it’s now always with

a strange comfort.

  not fear.

.

 somehow.

oh i don’t really know!

it’s hard to explain.

.

.

eye of whitecourtesy:ron mckinnes. fineartamerica.com

.

.

some of you might already know this next part . . .

.

i was married to bob.

.

for many years he’d worked at his business

of landscape design without many holidays.

.

working for yourself is often like that.

he was a very talented landscape architect .. so he was kept busy.

but he badly needed a break.  he was tired.

.

SO

we were planning a backpacking trip into the wilds of canada.

just the two of us.

.

he had always wanted to do that.

LOLOL.

.

I HAD NOT ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT !

.

but he was bob.  and i was his girl.

.

i trusted him.

 i would follow him anywhere.

.

and anyway . . . he was an outdoorsman just like the marine.

.

and i felt safe.  so i was going along.

we were going to be taken in by truck . . . with our canoe.

with instructions for our pick up location at a specific later date.

.

he was so excited!

 i wish i could say i was as excited.

i was trying hard to hide how  . . . NOT excited i was!

LOLOL!!!

.

arrangements were already made.

the trip was A GO.

.

then.

one night right before the trip . . .

i had this dream.

.

white horse closecourtesy:carl Christensen

.

.

i am asleep.  i awaken with a start.  it’s very late in the night.

it’s still pitch dark outside.

.

and

looking in our bedroom window is a beautiful white horse.

with very dark eyes.

just standing there.  looking in.

so close i can easily see its eyes.

.

no sound.

except for my own fast breathing.

.

 suddenly i feel afraid. a terrible fear.

very afraid . . .

as they say.

.

i look at my sleeping husband. a workday tomorrow.

definitely NOT the time to wake him!  WHERE did this horse come from????

is someone’s horse loose?  should i call out to bob about it?

no.  not yet.

.

i decide to get up.  i go into robin’s room.  she’s also sleeping.

in her window . . . i see . . .

vividly clear . . . in the darkness . . .

.

looking at me . . .

quietly just staring straight at me . . .

.

through her bedroom window . . .

.

the same white horse.

.

sno whitecourtesy:gigja einarsdottir. fineartamerica.com

.

 i am very frightened now.

.

WHY?

why is it in every window?

is this the same white horse?

looking at me?

looking FOR me?

i just don’t know!

but . . . then

why me?

.

maybe all this is just my silly imagination i’m thinking.

is this really a dream?  because it is real.

of course it is.  this is NOT REAL.

.

i’m telling myself this as i make my way down the hall to the living room.

.

our house is rustic modern.  cathedral ceilings with beams.

there is one whole wall of great windows.

the room is in total darkness.

.

i open the draperies.

.

standing there.  in all it’s pristine glory . . .

a magnificent

white horse.

simply standing there.

not moving.

looking straight at me.

.

you’re here again.

what do you want?

.

.

i find myself wanting to hide from the horse.

i don’t want it to see me.

but there is nowhere to hide from the horse.

.

 it always sees me.

it’s still watching me.

.

but it’s such a very beautiful horse!

.

so calm.

just standing there.

quiet.

simply

always

just there.

.

looking in all the windows.

.

beautiful whcourtesy:essentiallyesther.blogspot.com

.

i literally RUN back to the bedroom.

bob is still sound asleep.

.

i am shaking.  and cold.

i get back into bed. cuddle near him.

i go to sleep myself.

.

.

.

we do not make the backpacking trip to canada.

instead

bob is hospitalized the monday we were to leave on our trip.

.

we spent part of the weekend buying him pajamas.

he never slept in pajamas our whole married life.

.

the tests they took proved to be cancer.

as you know.

cancer of the esophagus.

.

we’re told the tumor is unusual.

in most cases of this kind . . .

 it grows up the lining of the esophagus.

.

bob’s is not.

bob’s cancer is growing outward.

it will soon choke him.

.

.

it would have choked him to death.

somewhere

in the wilds of canada.

in a tent.

with me.

alone.

.

me.

who cannot find her way out of a parking lot.

much less the wilds of canada.

.

.

.

i’ve never had the dream again.

.

and

i’m still not afraid of horses.

even white ones.

.

.

but i have the strangest feeling . . .

what i dreamed . . .

what i saw . . .

was somehow trying to prepare me.

for what was to come.

.

and it was this.

.

.

pale horse

.

.

who is to know how we are prepared for some things?

or warned?

.

.

i really don’t know exactly what i believe about all this.

i’ve never been one who thinks dreams are prophetic.

but i’m thinking . . .

if there are such things.

then that is what this dream was.

.

i don’t dwell on it of course.

didn’t then.  don’t now.

.

even odd that i should be thinking of it really!

sometimes odd things just trigger memories i guess.

.

it was so very long ago.

and now like a different lifetime really.

.

it’s just something that happened to me once.

.

.

AND

i can only think . . .

if i had to be warned or prepared in such a mystical way . . .

.

.

 what an exquisitely beautiful and loving

white messenger.

.

eye of white

til soon old bean.

til soon!